I Didn't Know My Own Strength: 2011 Firewalk

...I had this unlimited amount of energy. I stayed focused on the positive things that were happening while working through the negative. I started to understand things that I had never given a second thought to. I could recognize strength in myself and in others: strength that I never knew was there because I had never looked for it or called upon it. I was aware of everything I did and stopped (or at least put forth the effort to recognize and stop) internalizing everything that everyone else did. For the first time in a long time, I knew that I would be happy, strong, and as successful as I chose to be. I knew that if I was strong enough to let go, face everything that seemed impossible, and overcome the hard times and learned the lessons that they needed to teach me, I would finally have the life for which I yearned. All of this because on one night I had the courage to do the unthinkable: trust myself and test my strength. Because of this I am forever grateful to myself and to the ones who made this life-changing event possible... 

One year ago on September 16, 2011, I walked across fire! Yep, I walked across 1200-degree hot coals with my bare feet. To many this may seem like a “crazy” idea that could never be possible. I was one of those people two years ago when I first learned about this type of event. I could not imagine that anyone could actually walk across hot coals with no protection on his/her feet and not get burned. I knew it just had to be some type of scam!! Even up until a few days before my fire walk, I was still quite skeptical. Here's how it went:

On the Wednesday before the walk, I started to mentally prepare myself for what would be my first ever fire walk (or at least my first attempt at it). I had to work a double that day, but even at work I stayed focused on me and what I needed to do to “break through” and make the most out of this event (fire or no fire). I decided that, no matter what, I could and would make some HUGE changes in my life even if the 1200-degree coals were non-existent. (Remember, I was still skeptical.) I kept to myself at work (well, the most one can when they are waiting tables) and had many ask me if I was ok because I wasn’t my “talkative, loud, chipper” self. When I got home that night, I spent some time reflecting on who I wanted to be and what I needed to do to be that person.

Thursday was totally different compared to the previous day. I started to get extremely excited and confident that I wouldhave life-changing experiences on the following night. I had super-high energy and was eager to get to that next level. I was ready and willing to walk on fire (or anything for that matter) to prove to myself that I was strong and capable of moving on from the things/people that were holding me back and would conquer all of the fears and obstacles that were still standing in the way of me and the future for which I so desperately longed.

From the moment I woke up on Friday, I had an excitement that I had only felt a handful of times before (usually related to teaching, coaching, or traveling). That excitement continued to grow as the time got closer. Seriously, I am not sure if I have ever sang Taylor Swift's "Love Story" with as much passion (and volume) than I did that day in the car ride up... and unfortunately there were witnesses. (Sorry, y'all! ;)) Anyway, I was so ready and willing to throw my intentions into the fire and get this show started!!!

We left Denver around noon and headed to Fort Collins. We arrived around 2:00 and started preparing for the event which didn’t start until 6:00. As part of the fire crew and a participant, I got to see things from all directions. I witnessed the set-up, the lighting of the fire, the arrival and greeting of the participants, the intentions that were written and thrown into the fire, the seminar, the excitement building during the seminar, the walking of the participants, crew, and friends, the closing statements, the break-down and clean-up, and the after party at the nearby restaurant. Oh, and not to mention I rode to and from the event with the presenter himself.

As the guys were preparing the fire, I wrote down my intentions. I wrote about everything that I needed to focus on, change, and begin to be concious of. I wrote of my weaknesses, the anger and hurt that was so evident in my heart, and of the lack of trust that I had in almost everyone and everything. After writing what could have been considered a novella, I walked up to the fire, and threw the paper into the brillantly orange flames while focusing on the breakthrough that was about to take place.

Around 6:00 PM the seminar started and lasted until about 8:45. It was pretty relaxed and mellow up until about 8:15. Then the fun started! For the next thirty minutes we prepared ourselves to get “in state.” We became instantly energized and excited about what was about to happen in our lives (not just the fire, but the breakthrough itself). After walking out to the fire and witnessing the first two men walk across the flaming hot (uh, I mean “ice cold”) coals, I was ready! I watched a few of my new friends walk right before me. Finally, it was my turn! I was bursting with energy, jumping up and down with the biggest smile on my face. I was focused, energized, and ready. I stepped up to coals, repeated “cool moss” with my eyes on the sky, and walked calmly and directly across several feet of the glowing 1200-DEGREE HOT COALS!!! As a couple of the crew members caught me at the end, hosed off my feet, and told me to “wipe my feet,” I felt this rush that is indescribable. OH MY GOODNESS!!! I JUST WALKED ON FIRE!!! I ran over, hugged several necks, and cheered on the others who were also testing their strength and determination. I felt honored to watch others whom I cared for deeply walk across and face their fears. I met a 17 year-old boy and a 10 year-old little girl after they had the courage to break through and walk across the coals. Even more so, I witnessed one of my best friends walk across, and at the time, it felt just as amazing to see take place as it did to walk myself. Wow. Just wow.

The moral of this story is: Test your stength. You are only as strong as you allow yourself to be. If you think something is too hard, too impossible, and/or too much to handle, then you are absolutely right. It will be impossible, and you won't be able to handle it. Since that cool September night in Colorado, I realize that a person is only as strong as he thinks he is. If you believe you can do the unthinkable, you WILL do it. If you trust yourself, you'll move mountains. If your head tells you something is possible, it IS possible. All of this solely depends on what you desire for yourself and your life. It only takes one minute to decide what you can and will do, and that decision will inevitably impact the rest of your life, your happiness, and whatever successful path you choose or do not choose to take. If you want something to change, you must change it. Just sitting around waiting for change is just that: a constant wait that will forever be idle. You must trust yourself and tell yourself that you ARE strong enough to change whatever it is that is "wrong." It may be a substance dependency; it may be a bitterness towards someone who wronged you; it may be negative self-talk that is constantly holding back your success at work...whatever it is, it is up to you to decide if you will work through it and change it or accept it and settle with the life you are currently living. Only you can decide. Your strength is up to you, and until you accept that to be truth, you won't see the change that you may think you want. I just know that I will never regret that night and the courage and strength I found. Even if I would have been burned, I would have never have known if I didn't take that first step towards the rest of my life. Oh, but I am so glad I did. :)

(The video below is not from the actual firewalk that I did, but it is the best example I can find of the energy, the fire, the intentions, the walking across the coals, etc. Sooo amazing!!! All rights are from igniteurspirit on Youtube.)

 

Hug Them a Little Tighter... Not Just Tonight, But Every Time You Get the Chance.

I am scrubbing the vanity and cleaning the mirror in the bathroom as I hear Taylor Swift’s voice on the radio. As you know I may just be her biggest fan, so I was a little caught off guard when I did not recognize the chords of the song that were streaming from the boom box sitting on the floor at my feet. (Yes, I still have a boom box. And yes, it is awesome.) Anyway, I put down my sponge and sat on the floor to listen to this mysterious melody. Within seconds the tears start rolling down my cheeks as I listen to each word and see images of my little nieces and nephews in my mind.

The song: “Ronan.” Swift wrote the song about a 3-year-old boy who died last year after battling cancer, and she sings it from the perspective of his mother. Swift learned about Ronan’s story from his mother’s blog that is dedicated to raising awareness of children with cancer.

Wow. So emotional. As I listen to the song over and over, the only thing I can think of is that Ronan could have easily been one of my nephews (Brady, Joshua, Jackson, and Lucas) or my nieces (Samantha, Lauren, and the Cantu girls).  I cannot fathom the pain that Ronan’s mother, father, brothers, aunts, grandparents, or anyone else who knew that precious little blue-eyed boy has and will continue to experience since that heartbreaking day in May 2011.

As Swift sings about “plastic dinosaurs,” “a little laugh,” and “dancing before bed time,” I just want to hold on to all the little ones in my life and never let them go. Too often we go through this life taking almost everything for granted. Tomorrow is not promised to us. Children grow up. Children get sick, and sadly sometimes children do not live to see a grown-up life.

 

 

The short amount of time that we do get to spend with the little ones that we love so much is never enough. Hug them more. Kiss their little cheeks. Tell them that you love them…all the time. Please never assume that they just “know” how you feel. Live every day like it is your and even their last day on this earth. Love them and soak up every ounce of love that they give you in return. Listen to their laughs and their bare feet as they thump on the wood floors. Let them dance in their pajamas and sing their favorite songs at the top of their lungs. Sing and dance along with them! Even if you know you have a million things to do and may be “too busy right this second,” take a break: listen to them, play a game with them, read a book with them, sit there and hold them as you watch a movie together. Whatever it is, please never take them or any day you have with them for granted.  

If you had only one day left with your child, niece, nephew, grandchild, friend’s child, etc., how would you spend it?

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/music-arts/taylorronan-thompson-article-1.1157558#ixzz26MOQlB38

We All Have a Story

Everyone has his or her own story.  It is that story that has made them who they are, has taken them where they are in the present, and will take them where they will go tomorrow. Even the people you know the best have things from their pasts that you may not ever know about. Think about the television show Lost and its first season. Throughout the episodes the audience gets glimpses of major parts of each of the main characters’ pasts. From these scenes we have a better understanding of who the people are as individuals and why/how they become stranded on the island.

One day last week, my mom, sister, and I took my nephews to eat at Chick-fil-A. As we were leaving the parking lot, we noticed what looked like a homeless woman in her early 20s. She was huddled underneath a tree in the parking lot of a large shopping center with only a backpack, her dog, and the dirty clothes on her back. Within seconds my mom, being the angel on earth that she is, suggested we turn around and buy her something to eat. Long story short: we drove back over to Chick-fil-A, bought her a sandwich and bottle of water, and hand-delivered it to her. She humbly accepted it, said “thank you,” and we drove away. As we were driving home, I commended my mom on being such a wonderful person while I joked that “she does things like that because she knows it could be her gypsy daughter one day and she could only hope someone would be so kind to me.” Of course once we arrived home, life went on, and I didn’t give much thought to that girl again until we saw her in the same parking lot yesterday.

Since yesterday I cannot get the girl out of my head. I wonder what her story is. I wonder why she is where she is. Is her being there her choice or is it the result of something that was out of her control? Is she happy? Hungry? Thirsty? Homeless? Doing research for her PSY 101 Class at UTC?  I have played with random scenarios in my head and have prayed to God that one of the more comical ones could the possible truth. But who knows? Does anyone ever stop more than a few seconds to give her a sandwich, some water, or a few bucks? Has anyone ever asked her for her story? Does anyone know her name?

Today I left for work an hour early with two bottles of water, one for me and one for her, hoping to find her and talk with her. I wanted to listen and know her story. I wanted to sit there silently with her if she didn't feel like talking. At the least I wanted her to know that someone does care about her story. I drove to that same parking lot playing out our conversation (if she wanted to have one) in my head. I scanned the shady areas searching for her khaki green cap and her sweet-faced brown dog. For a second I thought I spotted her, but it turned out to be a Target employee enjoying his break time. I drove over to a nearby shopping center thinking maybe she needed a change in scenery, but again I had no luck finding her.

So, here I sit at the local Starbucks thinking about her and about everyone around me. Each of them with a story that is his/her own. Some may be completely absorbed with themselves to have even noticed that I have been examining their body language and smiles or lack thereof; while others may be completely creeped out (and rightfully so) by this strange smiling, brown-headed girl staring at them. Again, who knows? All I know is that I need to take the time to ask and listen. I need to learn about others and understand their stories before I just assume their situations. I need to love others as much as I love myself because I know that the love I have inside of me may make a difference in the life of someone else who doesn’t understand or know love like I do.

Tomorrow is another day. I will continue to search for the girl in the parking lot and hope that she is receptive to me as I am to her story. Until then I will listen to those around me. I will understand and not assume. I will open up my mind and heart to whatever it is the world wants me to know and learn. I will share my story to those who want to know it. I will strive to make a difference in whatever ways I am destined to do so. Above all, I will love, laugh, and continue to live as much as I am humanly able.