Marriage: Part III

And Now What???

All the time people ask me if I'll ever get married again. Well guys, before three years ago I never thought I would get divorced, so who knows?! I have definitely learned the hard way to "never say never." After assessing my past love relationships and history of marriage, boyfriends, failed plans, etc., my thoughts and opinions on that stuff (and the stuff that comes along with it) have drastically changed, as they should have. Only time will tell what the future holds for me, my heart, and any man that may come along and love me forever. Deep breath. 

Let's face it: Deep down inside, I remain that hopelessly romantic little five year old girl that still dreams that one day I will meet that one guy who God has made just for me <insert all that mushy, yucky love stuff:...and he will sweep me off of my feet and respect, care for, and love me for as long as I live>. (Wow… I cannot believe I just admitted that out loud. What is this world coming to?!) Although I am a lot more realistic now and fully understand that no love is perfect- or even close to perfect-, I still hold on to that ounce of optimism that I will find everlasting happiness in the form of a loving partner that will, in its own way, perfectly coincide with the happiness I have found in myself, my choices, and my chosen paths thus far.

So, with that being said, the answer is yes. If the right guy comes along with similar viewpoints on relationships and who values love and marriage the same way as I do, then, yes, I would get married again. He would have to accept my past and support my future. He would have to be that "missing piece" that I have longed for that will only make me happier than I am now. Lord knows that he will have to be special: patient, stubborn, kind, funny, frustrating, loving and forgiving. Above all else, he will have to unconditionally love himself before he can ever love me in the same way.  He must be as happy with life as it is as I am, and only he and I will understand how much better off we are in life and love because we are sharing it together.

However... if he never comes along, then the answer is no. I will continue through this life as an independent woman who strives to be happy and love myself regardless of who has or hasn’t chosen to be a part of my life. I will continue to be patient and allow God's plan to play out as only He has written. I will continue to love, respect, and be kind to myself and others. Above all else, I will live and love with every ounce of my being, opening up my heart and my dreams to the world.

It's a win-win, really.

 

Marriage: Part II

If Only I Knew Then What I Know Now...

Oh boy have I learned a lot about life, love, people, communication, compromise, happiness, and commitment throughout this emotional roller coaster of life that I have been on since 2009. All of those things were important to me throughout my marriage and the five & a half years of courtship (yeah, yeah, I said courtship, and yeah, I know it’s 2012) we had before we were married, yet I only knew those things on the surface. I never looked at them at a deeper, more mature level. I didn’t know any better, really.

It’s easy now to look back and see when things started to go wrong. There are specific instances that I know I didn’t handle very maturely and constructively. There were moments when it was easier for me to just not say anything and harvest resentment, disgust, and sadness over things he did and said. I internalized everything that happened, everything that he said, and everything that he didn’t say. I focused too much on not getting divorced than I did on rebuilding a love that we once had. I found trust and communication in everyone but him, partly because he wasn’t willing to listen, and partly because I was being selfish. At the time that was the thing that was easiest for me as I was disregarding what the best thing for us was.

Now don’t get me wrong: I know that I needed to spend those eight years of my life with him and then say goodbye, forever. He was there for a reason, and I wouldn’t do it any differently if I had it to do all over. Everything happens for a reason. Everyone is in our life for a reason: some stay a short time; some stay a long time; and others stay forever. With that being said, I WILL do things differently in the future.

I won’t walk away so easily if I know in my heart that it is true love. I will fight, I will communicate, I will be respectful, and I will only focus on the positive outcomes that will come from the struggles and the “worse” that every couple faces.  I will open my heart and voice my feelings freely and fearlessly. I will listen to my heart but not mute my head. I know that I am worthy of the greatest love in the world, and once I find it, I won’t give up on it. When the other person needs his space, I will give it to him. When I need to talk, I will talk. When I need to listen, I will listen. I will embrace the lessons that need to be learned, and I will use the tools that I have been given to make this life the best one ever. I will forever be aware of the passion and love in any future relationship and make those feelings a priority each and every day. Lastly, I will know that happiness and laughter are the key to [my] life, and the day I stop being happy with myself is the day I know I cannot be happy with another.

Marriage: Part I

What Happened?

I get this all the time. As soon as the words “Erin” and “divorced” get mentioned together, the next words are always: “What happened?” Instead of going through the long, drawn out explanation of the entire eight year relationship and the over-year-long break up, I normally respond with, “We grew up and grew apart. We were young and had a lot to learn.” That pretty much sums it up without pointing fingers, slandering the other’s name, and mentioning anything that could possibly bring back unwanted, painful memories that I have worked so hard to put to rest and extinguish from my life. Sometimes I don’t get off that easy though, and my audience eagerly insists for more. If they are adamant enough, I will go on to tell “the story,” and once again I move on and continue with this life of happiness I chose in place of the life of unhappy idleness that was once my life and my marriage.

The more I talk about it, the easier it becomes to explain. I’m not saying it will ever be easy; believe me there are days that the tears still try to emerge when I think about being the only one in my family who has ever been divorced and by getting divorced I brought sadness and hurt to my family and to his, but I have come to peace with the fact that it is and will always be a part of me, who I am, and possibly the greatest source of the many lessons I have learned in my adult life that will ensure greater happiness in my days to come. I am not saddened by the fact that the man whom I once knew as my husband is not in my life, nor am I saddened that I will not have the “happily ever after” life with him that I had always planned. In fact I am relieved that God has blessed with me with a second chance at life the way I want to live it, love that is greater and more powerful than anything that I have ever imagined, and the happiness that I deserve. I know in my heart that my marriage had to end so that this life could begin.

 

So there you have it. I am a twenty-eight year old, single, divorced woman who is proud of who she is and what she has become. If it were not for the mountains I had to climb over, the scars I had to endure, and the breaks in my heart that are finally healed, I would not be who I am today. Because of that, I will continue to tell my story and never forget what I had to go through, who I had to forgive, and what I had to learn to become me.

(to be continued...)

His Love Comes Down and Rescues Me

It had been 238 days since the last time I stepped foot in a church. That doesn't mean that I've been without God, prayer, praise, etc.; I just haven't made organized religion and the gathering with fellow Christians in a formal setting a priority (for a few different reasons). I've been invited a handful of times by numerous friends, but I've always found excuses to not go. Well on Sunday, I found no excuse and my prior engagement fell through. Here's how it went...
 
It is August 19, 2012 at 9:30 AM. Long story short: I've spent the past two days in Georgia visiting friends and having fun. I was supposed to be back in Nashville, TN at 4:00 today for work, yet I'm in Atlanta. I was going to leave this morning at 9:00, but last night I got a text message saying the shift I had picked up on Sunday was taken off the schedule, so now I have the entire day off. Therefore I had no excuse to not go to church with my friend, Jared, who has been eagerly asking me to come along to the "awesome new church" he has been visiting over the past few weeks.
 
So, here I am. And, oh my goodness... I needed this service and time with fellow Christians!!! The message is about Love: God's love: the characteristics of it, what it does, and how it works. Love… That ONE thing that I am constantly searching for on this earth, all the while overlooking (yet not totally forgetting) that His love is ALL that I need, and I have it all the time... always. Yep, He and I both know that my eyes needed this redirection.

As I am listening to the pastor explain how while all things change God’s love doesn’t, I instantly relate it to my life. Most everything in my life has been constantly changing (sometimes by choice and sometimes not) since 2009. I’ve been so consumed in finding my place, myself, and love from others here on this earth that I have pushed the one love relationship that has always been faithful to the side, casting it off and putting it on hold, enough to where it wasn’t the center of my life and more importantly, the center of my heart.

Instead of focusing on the love that I do have, have always had, and will always have, I’ve spent too much time and energy focusing on the love that I once had or the love that I want to have. Neither of which are existent in the here and now. However, no matter where I am, what I am doing, or who is around me, God’s love is there. Always.

I am so grateful that God gave me this much needed time today to redirect my focus and open my heart to the overflowing amount of unconditional love that He blesses me with in each second of my life. I needed to remind myself of all that He has done, is doing, and will do in my heart and in my life. His love always comes down and rescues me. When no one else is there to love me and when my self-love is not enough, His love is there and is always enough. No matter what: “Mountain high or valley low;” He is there, and I am His. And that is all that I need. Nothing more. <3

If any of you are struggling with love, heartbreak, or anything that seems too “big” to handle, just give yourself up to Him. No matter what obstacles you are facing and/or how low your life may seem at this moment, nothing is too great for Him. He loves you, unconditionally, when no one else does. When your love is not enough, His will always be enough.

"12 Lessons You Need to Learn Before Settling Down"-- a borrowed blog.

(I read this blog the other day and couldn't agree more. I had to share it! Enjoy!! :))

12 Lessons You Need To Learn Before Settling Down

Aug. 7, 2012

By Nico Lang     

 

1. You don’t have to get married right now. I know a lot of people who are friends with me on Facebook disagree about this, but no one is forcing you to get married right now. I get it: We were all sold the fantasy of falling in love in college and getting married after you graduate. It’s romance and heteronormativity and a lot of things that Amurrica really loves, and for a lot of people it works. But you’re 22 and not dying of leukemia: the fantasy won’t be any less fantastic if you give yourself three or four years before you — I don’t know — make the biggest decision of your entire life just because it’s what society expects you to do. Instead, you need to make life decisions that match your responsibility, commitment and maturity levels, and if there are still Facebook pictures of you half-naked and passed out drunk on your bathroom floor, you might not be there yet. Would you trust Lindsay Lohan with a marriage?

2. On this note: LTRs aren’t a prison, and you don’t have to treat them that way. You know what pisses me off? That rhetoric at Bachelor Parties that the day before you get married is the last day or your life — because life is somehow over after you get married? (Poor you.) I’ll make sure to inform Zsa Zsa Gabor of that, who has been married eight times and keeps going back for more. No one wants to go to prison that many times, except for maybe Martin Sheen.

3. And, no getting a dog, getting hitched or having babies won’t fix your relationship. I think that Nicole Richie was a bad life example in this respect. If you flash back to 2003, Nicole Richie was a classic “wild child” of the Drew Barrymore variety. In and out of rehab, Richie was just as famous for tabloid photos with Paris Hilton and getting arrested for heroin as she was for being Lionel Richie’s daughter. However, after having a baby in 2008, the hard-partying starlet quickly turned her life around, releasing her own jewelry line and becoming something of a fashion icon. And while it’s commendable that she was able to stop flashing her vagina and become an adult, having a baby wasn’t the single thing that did that. Life is not Juno, and everything won’t fall into place for you after you push a giant screaming flesh ball out of your vagina like the boulder in Indiana Jones. Teen Mom and Courtney Love prove this, conclusively.

4. One person can’t be everything to you, and if you expect that, you are going to be miserable for a very long time. You know what phrase I really hate? The One. I hate it because it pins unrealistic celestial expectations on whatever person you by happenstance happen to be connecting your genitals with. If you live in a village with 20 other people and two are of marrying age, it’s statistically impossible. It doesn’t take skinny Jonah Hill in Moneyball to figure that out. More than that, you shouldn’t just have “one” person in your life. You should have lots of people: friends, family members, co-workers and baristas who act as a community that affirm you every day. In particular, coffee proves that I cannot get every pleasure I need from my partner, and I shouldn’t expect that. I need to be as in love with the rest of my life as I am with them, or my incessant neediness and co-dependency is going to turn the relationship into Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? You can most easily avoid this fate and be happy and fulfilled in your relationship by being happy and fulfilled outside of it.

5. Bridget Jones lied to you: you need to change. I think that the central message of this movie is nice — that you should find someone who loves you just the way you are — but there’s a danger there. As the film suggests, we should find people who can accept our faults but must also find people who love us enough to call us on our bull and help us be better people. Think about your best friends. Are they the kind of people who let you walk all over them? No. They’ll fight you when they think you are being unfair or being a bad friend and demand the best from you. Find a partner who does the same thing. You’ll love them for not putting up with your crap.

6. Love means having to say you’re sorry. Love Story was another terrible influence: You’re going to say you’re sorry all the time. You’ll say sorry when you’re wrong, when you’re right, when you don’t want to say you’re sorry, when you don’t really want to make up or even look at the other person, when you think you can’t, when you just want to go to bed, when all you want is this stupid fight to just be over. You’ll say it on a plane, in the dark, on a train, in a car, up a tree and places humans haven’t even discovered yet — like Jimmy Hoffa’s burial site. In life, you’re going to be wrong at least 50% of the time — and if you’re George Bush a lot more — so just get used to it now.

7. If you can’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of someone else. Too many people get into relationships as a way to fix themselves or avoid fixing themselves by fixing someone else. You don’t have to think about your own emotional wellness when you’re focused on someone else’s. But there are a lot of problems with that, because you will take any problems you already had with you into the relationship; you carry your anger, your baggage and your brokenness. How can you make someone else whole if what you are giving to them is broken? The only way to do that is to acknowledge that neither of you is perfect or able to be perfect. Instead, all you can do is try and enjoy the broken grace that life offers you and work on being the best that you can be. The only way is to try and do so together.

8. Not everything is about you. Have you ever read those Freud journals? People have issues, lots and lots of issues. Do they seem cold and distant one day or in a weird mood? That’s not always your fault, so don’t assume that it is. I know far too many people who will always blame themselves for anything that’s wrong with their partner or anything that’s wrong in the relationship. And it’s good to be accountable for someone else’s feelings, but you need to be open enough in communication to find out what those are. All you have to do is ask. Remember that in all things — because as Galileo and Bill Nye taught us, you aren’t the center of the universe or even their universe.

9. Sometimes they really are thinking about nothing. Remember that time you asked them what they were thinking about and they said, “Oh, nothing,” and you got upset because you felt like they weren’t being honest — because “Isn’t everyone always thinking about something?” Well, they probably were, but when someone says they aren’t thinking about anything, that means they aren’t thinking about anything interesting or worth mentioning. And you can spend every minute of your life overanalyzing that or picking your entire relationship apart, or you can just accept that they don’t have to tell you everything. Accept the mystery in your relationship. As Benedict Cumberbatch proves, mystery can be sexy.

10. You don’t have to have everything figured out at once. Relationships are tricky and take a lot of figuring out, especially in that crucial stage where you are trying to figure out if you’re even in a relationship. However, in the rush to label everything and skip to the part where you’re all settled and have everything set, you squander a lot of the things that make relationships so exciting. Sure, we talk about the first kiss, but what about the time before the first kiss, when you are waiting to be kissed, just hoping that they will finally just lean into you? So much of a relationship is like that, that sensual waiting, and that’s what makes them both so frustrating and wonderful. I know we all want to skip to the ending — the parts where you host game nights together and do the Sunday crossword in bed — but don’t forget to just enjoy the ride, even if that means you aren’t “Facebook official” yet.

11. Don’t try to date someone who is exactly like you or completely “gets” you. The worst dating advice was told to me a couple years ago, right after I was getting out of my longest relationship, trying to navigate the single world again and not having much luck. The advice giver told me that if I want to get a guy, I should become the guys I want to sleep with and change myself to be more like them. I think that’s silly. One of the great things about life is getting to know people who aren’t like you, who have opinions that excite you, challenge you and piss you off sometimes. They can teach you new things about the world and help you discover a new side of yourself you didn’t even know existed. If you only ever date yourself, you’ll never change. And that’s not a relationship, that’s masturbation — but a lot more expensive and time-consuming.

12. No relationship is going to be perfect, close to perfect or even in the ballpark. And that’s okay. Look at Brad and Jen. Sometimes perfect doesn’t turn out so great. Don’t strive for perfect. Strive for what feels right.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/12-lessons-you-need-to-learn-before-settling-down/

*It took me twenty-five years, some broken vows, and several deep breaks in my heart to learn these things. Yep, some of us just have to learn the hard way. For the rest of you, read these words and really let them sink in. Maybe you will be saved from the loss and heartbreak that I was forced to reckon with. Maybe not. Either way, be mindful of these twelve things regardless of whether or not you've "settled down" yet. If you have, maybe you need to reassign your priorities and main focuses. If you haven't, go out and experience as much out of life as you can while you are still able and free. You won't be sorry. :)

Attracting the Positives

 As I was lying here in bed (yes, I have areal bed to sleep in…for now, anyway) a few minutes ago, thinking about all the things that have gone wrong today, yesterday, this past week- well, this entire summer actually- and the negative people that have been put into my life, something suddenly hit me. I am once again spending way too much time and energy on negative things, people, thoughts, and situations. Although I believe that we learn just as much, if not more, from the negative experiences and people that God puts into our lives, we must remain focused on the positive situations and people if that is the kind of life we want for ourselves.

The Law of Attraction says that you attract into your life whatever you think about. Dominant thoughts will find a way to manifest. If you think positively, positives will be the outcome. If you think negatively, negative outcomes are inevitable. Through self-research I find this to be true nine times out of ten. Yeah, things will happen and nothing is perfect, but there’s a good chance that you will attract what you are thinking of, looking for, and wanting for yourself.

I desperately want good people in my life: people that love me, support me, and are reliable, yet lately I am exerting a lot of energy on those that ignore me, are unreliable, and who have never truly loved me and, let’s face it, probably never will. That needs to stop. Now.

Thankfully for me I have had a few great examples of “good people” right in front of me today. For instance, when no one else was around to help me with a flat tire, Morgan and EJ (two buddies I knew ten plus years ago from high school) came to my rescue and helped me change a tire. Not only were they there, no questions asked, willing and ready to help me, but there were two others who offered their services, advice, and even a phone call to make sure I was taken care of. There were also a few others who sent well wishes and would have been there if at all able. Yet, I was spending the last waking moment of this day reflecting on the negative things going on around me???!! Hmm... I wonder why these last few weeks have not been the best for me. Could it be that I am manifesting negativity? I think that may just be the case. What in the world is wrong with me?!

So, if it is a great, positive, healthy, loving life that I want, I have only one choice, and that is to attract those characteristics through my thoughts and actions. I need to divert my attention from the bad things, ones, and situations and remain focused on everything wonderfully good that is happening around me. If I want good people in my life, I need to start surrounding myself with them and make sure I am also being a good person for myself and for others. I need to put myself in good situations and take myself out of the bad ones. I need to focus my thoughts on love, laughter, family, and reliable, supportive friends. I need to live in the moment, learn from my mistakes, and make the future as bright and happy as it can possibly be.

I've shifted my focus from the negative to the positive before, so I am sure I can do it again. I also understand that it is easier said than done, and I will continue to experience times when the negative clouds all and everything that is positive. And, that is okay. I need times like this to remind me that everything isn't always perfect and that it is okay to admit when I am weak and am in need of some self-correction. So, here's to attracting goodness, positives, and smiles. Cheers and goodnight.

Hiding My Heart Away

"This is how the story went: I met someone by accident... I wish I could lay down beside you when the day is done and wake up to your face against the morning sun. But like everything I've ever known, you'll disappear one day."

I came across Adele's "Hiding My Heart" song this morning as I was thinking about someone who is special to me. Funny how that happens, and lately it happens to me more times than not. These words have never been truer for me, ever. As I sit here on the floor listening to these words over and over again, tears running down my cheek, feeling weaker over the past few weeks than I have in a long time, I keep reminding myself that all of this is happening for a reason.

Sometimes I feel like I can no longer invest the time, energy, and emotion on someone who just isn't quite sure or ready for whatever life has in store for the future. For years now I have been "hiding my heart away," leaving town to my skyscrapers or whatever place I am calling "home" at the moment because that decision is easier than allowing the pain to come through and be felt. And then there are the times when I do decide to trust my heart- only to reveal it, open it up, and let myself feel whatever it is that I am feeling (love, trust, contentment). And each time I go back to where I started: sad, confused, and alone. Again, I remind myself that there was a reason why my heart was in hiding in the first place. Same story, same ending.

"He" always comes when I am in need of him the most; that's for sure. That's the problem though. As soon as I don't "need" him anymore, he disappears like everything (and everyone else) in my life. Only once now have I felt that I wanted him as much as I needed him. But like every other time, he, too, has disappeared.

Maybe the cards are flipped this time.. who knows? Maybe they have been all along. Maybe I was there for him when he was in need of me, and now my work is done. Could I be the one who has disappeared? Although, for my heart, it surely does not feel like that is the case, maybe it is. Maybe not, and maybe I will never know. All I can do is hope and pray that "he" is just as well off because of me and my love as I am because of what he gave to me in the short amount of time we had together. Letting go is hard, but sometimes I feel that it is the best thing that one person can do for another.

If another "he" comes along and blows me away, I will continue to embrace him, his love, and whatever he has to offer me. If he, too, disappears one day, I will not regret opening up my heart, but I will rejoice in the fact that his love has only strengthened my life and my journey. I can't spend my whole life hiding my heart away. I can't.

Fairy Tales and Hand-Me-Down Dreams

I have spent a lot of time this summer reflecting on fairy tales, happy endings (or lack thereof), and “dreams” that we (as parents, role models, a society, etc.) create for others while disregarding what they truly want for themselves. Who knows, they may even be unaware of what their true hearts’ desires are because of the picture-perfect painting of the future that we produce for them. I have questioned why we do this to our children, what the positives are that could possibly come from it, and how could it negatively influence one's life when her life doesn’t turn out like she has been taught it will. Most of all, I have wondered why in the first place we wouldn't just start with reality: the truth. Are we that cognizant that reality is not so glamorous and/or the most desirable that we disguise it with glitter, sparkle, and perfection in a desperate hope that our daughters’ (and sons') lives will- and must, and should, and possibly could- be that modern-day fairy tale? Is that fair? (Ok, ok, so maybe the lesson then becomes “Life isn’t fair.” Maybe. I don’t know. Regardless, that’s beside the point.)

As a little girl watching Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast, and all those other “happily ever after” movies, I dreamed that one day my Prince Charming would come along and carry me away on his white horse (or white Lexus, if you will). Not only did I dream it, I believed it, and then eventually expected it. Seriously! I was the girl who had her wedding and entire “happily ever after” future planned out by the age of five. It was flawlessly perfected and destined to be a true story by the age of seventeen. No joke. Yep, I was that little girl. And up until I was about twenty-five, I never thought any differently. Fast-forward from that five year old innocent child to the twenty-eight year old, realistic woman that I am today... Let’s just say a lot has changed.

Although I still want to believe that Walt Disney only had good intentions when he changed the original endings of fairy tales into the romantic, unrealistic garbage we submit our little girls to, I am 98% certain that the Brothers Grimm had it right all along. For instance: Along with the grandmother, Little Red Riding Hood does, in fact, get eaten by the wolf; After cutting off their feet to fit into the glass slipper, Cinderella’s evil step sisters get their eyes picked out by birds and are left forever blinded; and, as her punishment, the Queen in Snow White has to dance in heated iron shoes until she dies. Although there is good in each of these stories, there is also evil. But as children we aren’t taught this through Walt Disney’s versions, and we definitely aren’t subjected to the Brothers Grimm versions. Nope, we are only exposed to the endings where everyone lives happily ever after... no questions asked.

But why? That’s not real life. Not at all. So, after two and a half decades and a few broken (and self-mended) hearts, my opinion of these fairy tales has drastically changed. Finally I understand that life is about the good and the bad. Despite how badly you may want something, evil will sometimes prevail. Sometimes dreams are only dreams. Sometimes dreams are reality. Either way, life is what one makes it: not what is handed down to us, not 100% perfect and pure, and not designed to automatically make us live “happily ever after” without some effort on our part. Sure, we can play the part and pretend like we are five years old again, but what good does that do? Why not embrace reality and prepare our hearts and our lives to be happy just because we (independently) are and not because we are waiting on some man or our Fairy Godmother to make us feel that way? Maybe it’s about time to take responsibility for our own happiness and quit depending on others to do that for us. Own it. Wouldn’t it be more rewarding that way anyway? I say yes.

So does all of this mean that I am boycotting anything and everything “happily ever after”? Of course not!! I still love Walt Disney, his take on fairy tales, and his effort to create an imagination and a hopeful future in a child’s heart.  I will not ban my children from watching his fairy tales, and I will not judge you for doing the same. I will, however, teach my children about both sides of life. I will not disregard the possibility of evil, heart break, punishment, and the hard knocks that life may (and surely will) throw at them.  I will teach them that happiness is the most essential component to a successful life, but that happiness is inward and has to start with them, not with a make-believe Prince Charming and/or a white horse. More importantly, I will instill self-confidence in my daughter and make sure she is a strong, self-aware, capable woman who makes her dreams come true and uses the trials, falls, and heartbreaks that life throws at her only as a strengthening tool and not as a discouraging, weakening agent. Above all else, I will teach her that her “happily ever after” story is what she creates for herself, not what I, Walt Disney, or anyone else has created for her. She writes her own story, and if she chooses to end it with “happily ever after,” then she will succeed and forever have happiness in her heart and in her life. And if she doesn't, she will succeed and have whatever it is that her heart truly desires.

The End.