Making My "Dreams" My REALITY!!!

When I came out to Colorado in July, I came with the intentions of turning all of my dreams into reality. But then life happened. I let work, settling down into my apartment, and numerous other things stand in my way. I put my dreams on the back-burner and kept busy so I couldn't (and didn't have to) focus on them. I have moments of wanting those dreams to come true, but then those moments disappear when I focus on every day life (paying bills, unpacking boxes, working as a server, meeting new people, etc.).  Those moments haven't been a priority: chasing my dreams and making them a reality have not been a priority over the past couple of months. And, if you know me at all, that is definitely not acceptable to me.

Too many times we dream about things, but that's all we do... we dream. Why do dreams have to be just "dreams?" I spent some time today researching the meaning of the word "dream." Here is what I found from the World English Dictionary:

1. sequence of imaginative thoughts indulged in while awake; daydream; fantasy (noun) 2. to suffer delusions; be unrealistic (verb) 3. too good to be true; ideal (adjective)

Hmmm, let's ponder this for a moment... Too good to be true? Unrealistic? Fantasy? Is that because we believe our dreams are "too good to be true?" Why waste our time "dreaming" then? If we replace the word "dream" with the word "reality," wouldn't it then become reality? I say yes. If we change our way of thinking that things are too good for us or are too far out of our reach to the belief that we can achieve those things that we so desperately want, wouldn't we reach for more? Of course we would!!!

For my entire life I dreamed about backpacking through Europe. Then, last summer, I made that dream a reality, and ya know what?! The reality was so much more than the dream ever was!!! I have spent the good part of the past two years turning several of my dreams into my reality. But lately I have been stuck in neutral, waiting for my dreams to come true, but not making them come true.

I have such a hard time watching people with "so much potential" settle for mediocrity and just go through the motions, yet lately I've been doing that myself.  I have too much to offer this crazy world of ours to continue to go through the motions and wait for things to happen. It's time to make those things happen now: to turn my dreams into my reality now. Seriously, what do I have to lose? Thanks to an old friend, I realized that I have nothing to lose, but I have everything to gain. I have the potential of being extremely successful in life; everyone does. Now it's time to turn that potential (latent ability and capacity) and all my dreams into reality.

My reality is that I will become successful in everything that I put my mind to. I will work with adolescents each and every day, being a positive, influential part of their lives.  I will write books to help others. I will get on TV and become famous promoting my books and helping adolescents with their every-day struggles.  I will travel the world and experience as much as I can in the time that I am given. I will not take "no" for an answer. I will fall forever in love with an amazing man and be the best mommy on the planet. I will be happy, enjoy life, and never regret anything along the way. I will dream no longer; I will live an incredible life that some may only "dream" of.

 

Tied Together with a Smile

I have been thinking about my “things” a lot lately. When they creep up on me, I grab my journal and write until I have nothing more to say. Writing is my outlet, and more times than not it is the only way I can fall asleep at night.  I have gone through two journals (aka 3-Subject notebooks) since I started journaling in late April of this year. Sometimes I turn my journal entries into blogs for my loyal readers; other times I may share them with a friend or two, but mostly they are a private outlet for just my heart to know and feel.  Most of the time (95%+) I feel on top of the world and look at everything that is thrown at me as a lesson learned and experiences that are only strengthening who I am and where I am going in this life, but I also have my moments of feeling down and out about life and things that I cannot control.  This blog is a collection of several journal entries that I have written recently on the subject of my “things” and their importance to me.

We all have our things: Those things that we try not to think about because there’s really nothing we can do about them. Although we long for it, it seems hopeless and unrealistic to spend too much time and energy on it.   But, somehow, the thought creeps up on us at unexpected times, and we can’t help but to reflect on it. For example, some of us don’t like what we see when we look in the mirror; some of us are in unhappy relationships; others of us hold back the tears and put on a happy face because life is just easier that way; and then there are those of us who have great lives but still feel like something is missing: some void that may never be filled. It may be a child that you are unable to conceive, a relationship that you long for but just never seem to find, a broken friendship that you would give anything to rekindle, or maybe it’s that dream job that always seems just a little too far out of your reach.  Whatever your “thing” may be, it’s real; it’s there, and it is probably easier to just tie yourself together with a smile even if you are coming undone and/or hurting on the inside.

For me, my things are very simple yet very complex. I get that I have more in life than I deserve. I have the best family a girl could ask for, a ton of amazing friends who are always there when I need them, a safe, cozy roof over my head (oh, and a bed!!!!), an abundance of food, clothes on my back, and, above all, an almighty, forgiving, unconditionally loving God who has and continues to bless me beyond belief. But even after I remind myself of all these extraordinary blessings, sometimes I find myself focusing on the “things” that are missing: the voids that I would do almost anything to fill. My two big ones are a love relationship and children.

This past Saturday after hanging out with some girlfriends, I came home to my empty, lonely apartment. At that moment all I could think about was the amazing, loving man and beautiful, healthy children that are missing from my life.  The next morning when I woke up, I had the song “Part of Your World” from The Little Mermaid in my head. Saturday was October 23… exactly three months away from my 28^th birthday. Throughout my life I always thought that I would get married when I was 27 and have my first baby at the age of 28. In my head it was a  real-life fairy tale that was flawlessly planned out to the most minuscule detail.  Needless to say, my life has not gone as “planned.” 

Every time I see a couple walking down the street, holding hands and smiling at one another, I can’t help but to think about that void in my life. I long for the man of my dreams: someone that is my best friend with whom I can share everything with. I want to laugh, cry, love, and give everything I have with the love of my life. I want to experience that “spark” that never goes away. I want to love and be loved forever.

This past August I went into Pottery Barn Kids to look at baby gifts for my soon-to-be born nephew, Jack. Almost instantly after walking through the doors, I started to cry. I walked right out, went to my car, and grabbed my journal.. still crying. I sat in the mall parking lot for about fifteen minutes journaling about how desperately I want to be a mommy. That is the only thing that I have always ever truly wanted… two boys and a girl whom I can love unconditionally forever.

The point of this blog is to not dismiss those “things” in your life that may seem too big to handle. Honestly, I think it is healthy to spend some quality time with your thoughts, desires, and even the “voids.”  It may be easier and even hurt less to put on a happy face and try to forget about those “things.”  But, they never really go away… no matter how hard you try (and believe me, I’ve tried!). Give yourself the opportunity to reflect on your “things.” Write about it; talk about it; shoot, even sing about it if you want. But, then when you are done, look at all the things you DO have! Reflect on how awesome you are and how blessed you are despite what you think may be missing.   Even if you are at the bottom and feel like things can’t get any worse, get excited that everything can only go UP from here!!! On top of all of that, remember that everyone has their own “things” no matter how perfect their lives may seem. Your life is exactly how it is supposed to be right now.

“No one knows that you cry. You don’t tell anyone…. You’re tied together with a smile, but you’re coming undone.” (Taylor Swift)

Love Yourself

This blog is not for me; it’s for you.

First off…Several of my friends make fun of me for being in love with myself, and that’s fine. So, if you are one of them, get ready to let the jokes begin…

Lately I have spent a lot of time reflecting on self-love, self-respect, and self-worth. You may be thinking, “Doesn’t Erin always think about that?” Well, you’d be surprised. Yeah, I think about it a lot and hold myself in a high regard, but in the past I have had my fair share of lack of self-respect and times where I question my self-worth. The only thing that doesn’t change is the fact that I love myself--no matter what--no matter if I feel like no one else does…I do! And honestly, if I love myself, that’s all I need.  Don’t get me wrong: “need” and “want” are two totally different things. I want the whole world to love me as much as I love myself. I want the never-ending love of my family, of my friends, and potentially of a love relationship, and I know that because I love ME they, too, will also love me.

Here’s where YOU come in…

Unfortunately, I have a feeling that I am a minority when it comes to self-love. Throughout my adult life I have witnessed numerous friends struggle with self-love and a large amount of them have been over the past couple of months. They question their value; they aren’t in love with themselves, and they definitely don’t believe that they deserve love from themselves or from others. Let me ask you this: If you don’t believe in yourself and love yourself unconditionally, why in the world would you expect someone else to believe in you and/or love you? More times than not we are so wrapped up in gaining the acceptance of others, of “winning” someone over (be it in our personal lives or our business lives), and finding self-validation from others, that we forget who really matters. We forget that we must focus on ourselves first, accept who we are despite what others tell us, and always be in love with ourselves before we can expect (and accept) the love of others.  Ultimately, you are the only validation of YOU that you need. I understand it’s easier said than done, but, believe me, it’s worth the time and effort. Find who you are; accept who you are; love who you are!!! And, if you are still struggling with this, think about someone who you love that loves you. If they are that amazing of a person to deserve your love and they love you in return, then YOU are definitely worthy of your love as well, right??!!!

(Get ready, here is where you may make fun of me, and again, it’s ok J…) There is not a day that goes by that I don’t confess my undying love for myself in the mirror. (And honestly almost every time I look in the mirror, I tell myself “I love you,” “You are beautiful,” and/or “You are worthy of all that this life has to offer you.”) Take yesterday morning: I was in the bathroom straightening my hair and listening to the radio. A song entitled “Gimme That Girl” by Joe Nichols came on. Of course I proceeded to sing the song to myself in the mirror, smiling to myself, and loving myself for who I am, what I stand for, and for just being ME. And boy, was I feeling like a million bucks all day!

Afterwards I decided to write this blog. I am not writing it to prove to anyone that I love me. I don’t need anyone’s validation of how I feel about myself. I am writing this to challenge you to love yourself with every ounce of who are you. If you believe you are beautiful and worthy and amazing, others will believe so too.  If you start loving yourself for who you ARE and not for what others think you should be and demand that love from others, everyone (who matters) will love you for who you ARE as well. If you respect yourself and demand that same respect from others, you will be respected. You are only as worthy as you believe you are. If you don’t hold yourself in a high regard, others won’t either.

So, go find a mirror right now. Look at yourself…smile…fall in love with YOU all over again. Talk to yourself- out loud- telling yourself all the amazing things about who you are, what you stand for, and why you ARE worthy of your love and the love of others. Say “I love you” as you look into your eyes. Focus on the positives and let go of all the negatives. And, don’t just do it this time; do it every time you see your beautiful self. You are beautiful, and, when you believe that, others will believe that as well!

Love yourself! Respect yourself! Why wouldn’t you?! You are worthy. You are beautiful. You are everything you believe yourself to be!!! Honestly, at the end of the day, you don’t owe anyone anything, but you owe yourself EVERYTHING! <3

Wide Open Spaces

Today I am on my way to Albuquerque, New Mexico to visit my best friend Cameron. I stopped at Starbucks to grab some coffee, and while I am here, I decided to blog about my drive down thus far. So, here I go....
I left Denver this morning around 10:00. While driving through the wide open spaces of southern Colorado and northern New Mexico with no radio and a dead cell phone, I had a lot of time to think without distraction.  As I scanned my eyes across God's beautiful creations, I thought a lot about life, the choices I make on a daily basis, and the unlimited possibilities that are right in front of me. 

It's so easy to get caught up in the craziness of life. We have everything right at our fingertips: buildings, houses, coffee shops, malls, streets, cars, the Internet, food, etc. It's like we are on auto-pilot, going through the motions of life without giving much thought to our every day routines. We are so busy working and being the persons that society expects us to be that we forget to really live, to really experience life and all that this beautiful world has to offer us.  Up until about two years ago, I used to go through the motions, doing the same thing day in and day out. Unfortunately sometimes I still do.  More times than not now, though, I take the time to enjoy life, really focus on big decisions before they are made, and don't follow the norms of every day life.  I make a conscious effort to change up my routine; geez, for the most part, I haven't had a stable "routine" since December of last year.
When I made the decision to move out to Colorado at the end of June, I unofficially dedicated the song "Wide Open Spaces" by the Dixie Chicks to myself and now think of it as my theme song. Driving through those wide open spaces this morning reaffirmed the fact that those spaces out West was, and still is, exactly what I needed. I needed space to make mistakes, meet new people, live out my dreams, and pass the tests of life.  I needed to leave home, to leave everything that was comfortable and "stable" to really discover what life holds for me. I needed to change things up, live my life for myself, and learn through new experiences. Since then, I have grown so much. I enjoy each and every day that I am given. I try new things every chance I get. I go new places and put myself in different environments. Each day I talk to new people and make new connections. I embrace these wide open spaces with wide open arms, never regretting anything and only learning from the falls along the way.

On a side note about the song:
I am pretty sure this song WAS written about me and my mom. At the very end of the last verse, the lyrics are "As her folks drive away, her dad yells 'Check the oil!' Mom stares out the window and says, 'I'm leaving my girl.' It didn't seem like that long ago when she stood there and let her own folks know she needed wide open spaces." Colorado, Ireland...what's the difference. Yep, I get it honestly. :)

"Sunflower Moments"

Last week while driving through Kansas I passed a huge field of sunflowers. Their stems were standing straight and tall, almost proud-like, but their heads were slumped forward, fallen because their season had come to an end. It was a sad sight.  While looking across this field of gloomy, drooped sunflowers, all I could think about were the people that I know or have known in the past whose heads are always down and have been overcome with sadness.

We’ve all had these “sunflower moments.” The moments when we think life couldn’t get any harder. The moments when we feel like we don’t have any strength left to lift up our heads, get out of bed, or see the good things that are right in front of us.  It’s what we do with these moments that truly matter.

Most of us eventually focus on the positives: seeing disappointments, obstacles, and heartache as growth and lessons learned. But what about those who don’t see life’s struggles as building blocks for the future? Those lonely, sad sunflowers going through life with their heads down, just waiting for the next season because maybe, just maybe,  it will make them feel (temporarily) better. But just like before, that season passes too, and their heads once again fall forward.

If you are that sad sunflower today, lift up your head. Life is great! Embrace the heartache, troubled times, loss, disappointment, depression-- whatever it may be that is forcing your head to droop-- and focus on the good, no the GREAT, that will come from it! Believe me, I know it’s easier said than done; I’ve had plenty of my own “sunflower moments,” but my happy-head-lifted-high moments are sooo much better!

Smile. Laugh. Treat yourself to something that makes you happy, whatever that may be. Today is a new day. Make it what you want—make it the best day ever! You are in control of your destiny. If you want to continue to be stuck in those “sunflower moments” for a little bit longer, choose that. But why not choose to lift your head up now instead of waiting for tomorrow, for next season, or for whatever it is on which you are waiting?