It’s like a postcard from Paris when I’ve seen the real thing...

“Will I ever be satisfied because all I ever seem to find is a postcard from Paris when I need the real thing?!” These lyrics from The Band Perry really hit home for me lately.  Me: the happy-go-lucky, life-loving, makes everyone laugh, sweet girl.  I spend 95% of my life smiling the biggest smile while making others happy and living my life to the fullest. But, no matter how hard I try, that other 5% sneaks up on me when I am least expecting it. 

So much of my adult life has been spent doing things for others, putting on a happy face, and rolling with the good, bad, and especially the really bad. No matter how down and out I get, I almost automatically without thinking get right back up and make life better than it ever was before. Although I am proud of myself for how I have handled the hard times and obstacles that life has thrown my way, I am exhausted. I am tired of the pressure of ALWAYS being the happy, smiling girl who doesn’t let life get her down…ever. The truth is sometimes it does get me down, but then I immediately feel guilty because I tell myself that I “shouldn’t” feel sad or cry or want to sleep all day because that’s not how I handle things.  So, I put on a happy face and bury what I am truly feeling because “it could be so much worse.” Like I have written about before, I tie myself up with a smile and pretend everything is perfect. No matter how hard it is for me to admit this, sometimes I need to be the one who is being picked up by others and crying on one’s shoulder. 

I know that in a couple of days I will be back to my laughing, smiling, loving-love self, but for now I am tired. I want to curl up on the couch and hibernate for a few days. I want to eat a gallon of ice cream without feeling guilty and watch sappy movies. But above all else, I want to say goodbye to this year and begin a new, better chapter of my life. The good thing is that it can only go up from here, right?

To the most AMAZING woman I know...

Dear Mom,
You are the greatest, most loving, most beautiful woman I know, and I am honored to be your daughter. You have been and continue to be the true definition of a "woman" for me, Meghan, and now your granddaughters: beautiful inside and out, faithful, strong, confident, loving, kind, hard-working, independent, God-fearing, loyal, giving, unselfish, honest... The list could go on and on...

Thank you for loving me and supporting me unconditionally. Thank you for being proud of me for my accomplishments and standing by me when I make mistakes. Thank you for being my biggest fan even when I am wrong. Thank you for giving me your eyes and your beauty. Thank you for teaching me by example that a woman is able to be strong and depend on herself even when it feels like the whole world is against her. Thank you for passing down to me your love for traveling and your passion for meeting new people and turning your dreams into reality. Thank you for molding Meghan and me into strong women who are confident in all that we do and only learn and grow from our "falls." Thank you for raising me to love and trust in my God, and thank you for living your Christian life by example for your children. Thank you for being my hero. Thank you for my brother. Thank you for my sister. Thank you for the love, praise, hugs, and kisses that were more than plentiful at our home. Thank you for the traditions that we have and for the love that still exists between the "five of us." :) You were and still are the mold that holds us together. Thank you for loving our dad unconditionally and for teaching us the true meaning of love through your relationship with him. You taught us how to love, laugh, desire, achieve, believe, adventure, learn, ask, explore, trust, forgive, support, and stay true to ourselves no matter what obstacles may come our way... And for everything else, thank you!!!

I am so proud to be your daughter. I am even more honored to be so much like you. I only want to make you proud always. I love you more than I can ever describe with words, but for as long as I am able, I will try my hardest to tell you. Happy Birthday, mom.

What Goes Around, Comes Around: A Happy Little Story

Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, what you say, or how you act you always get the short-end of the stick!?! If you do, join the club. Luckily for me, those days of picking the short stick came in handy this weekend.Two days ago at work I had a coworker tell me that I am "a joy to work with," and then yesterday he commented that I am "truly a good person." Yep, he pretty much made my weekend! After thinking about this and remembering that just a few weeks ago I was complaining about always being "the sweet girl," I will admit that I am proud of the fact that I am "sweet" and a good person, and I'm not going to complain any longer about being what I once considered "insulted" by the word "sweet." 

I do always try to treat people with respect and do everything in my power to help others and make people feel loved. I do things for others without expecting things in return, but sometimes it is nice to know that karma is working in my favor. :)

This all gets me to the main reason for this blog: Sometime during the day yesterday, I lost my driver's license. I could have lost it anywhere: at work, at the bookstore, walking down the street, or in the apartment complex parking lot... Who knows?!! I realized it was gone while I was at the bookstore during my break from work (approx. 4:30 PM). At that point, I figured it was too late to retrace my steps and decided to just go and get another one later in the week.  Fast forward to six hours later when I was heading to bed and turning the lights off in my living room. Just as I was flipping the light switch, I saw something stuck under my door. There it was! Someone came to my address and left my driver's license under my door. I smiled a big smile and thought to myself "Who does that?!" (knowing darn well that I would totally do the same thing if I were to find a stranger's ID). In that instant I was proud to be that "sweet, good girl," and even though I will survive without any formal recognition, it is nice to know that my good deeds/"sweetness" doesn't go unrewarded. 

So, the next time you are frustrated with the fact that others don't appreciate you or when you are tired of always hearing about "sweet" you are (when you would rather be considered/described as "beautiful," "sexy," and/or "amazingly breathtaking"), just know that good things will come your way!! Your good deeds do not go unnoticed. People do appreciate you even if you don't hear it often enough. You are loved and will continue to prosper because of who you are and how you treat others. Karma can be a good thing or a bad thing, so decide to make it a good thing today. 

Do a good deed for someone just because without wanting anything in return. Pay it forward, and I promise that it will come back around to you.

Advice: I'm great at giving it. Taking it is another story.

Isn't it funny how easy it is to give really good advice to others, yet it's really hard to take it when it relates to you and your own life?? I have realized that a lot lately. I'm pretty wise when it comes to life, trials, falls, and other not-so-fun experiences. I give  good advice to a lot of people, but what about those time when I should (and need) to listen to it myself? That's really tough for me.

Earlier today I wrote an email to a friend who is in a very similar situation as I am. She's far from her family, friends, and everything that she knows. She is lonely and misses her family so much it hurts. To most of us, she's at a place in her life that we could only dream of, but she's actually living out this dream. However, she's not happy. She thinks of "waking up" and leaving this "dream" behind. 

Like her, I have been really unhappy lately and have been doubting my latest move to Colorado. I'm really sad that I'll be without my family on Christmas, and I've only been focusing on the negative things here on my own. 
After writing the email and proofreading it about four times before sending it (remember, I am an English major!), I read it one more time to myself. I listened to the words and realized that I needed to take my own advice. Like her, I am living a dream. I have so many opportunities right in front of me that I'm missing out on because I'm choosing to focus all of my energy on the fact that I am alone during the holidays instead of taking advantage of the endless possibilities to potentially make this the best Christmas ever. 

Today I vow to listen to my own advice. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, I am making the best out of these moments. I will laugh, love, pray, discover myself, and have the time of my life no matter where I am or what I am doing.

So, if you are struggling today with life, love, location, or whatever it is, here's part of that email that I wrote. Maybe my advice will help you as much as it helped me today.:

"If you are lonely and missing your family, I can totally relate! Ever since I got back from visiting my family for Thanksgiving/ my nephew's birth in November, things haven't been the same. I'm sad more than I'm not. I wake up and go to bed feeling lonely and left out. I constantly think of Joshie, Jack, and my other nieces and nephew. I cry a lot and am unmotivated to do anything outside of work and hanging out with Bud. It's tough.
No matter how hard it is, something is still holding me here, but I can't explain it. I have decided to give it one more year to see what happens. If I still feel like this next December, I will for sure go home. But who knows, great things may happen and I may stay forever. I'll never know if I don't give it an opportunity to be great. I know if I go home now, I'll regret it and always wonder what could have been. 
We're young, single, beautiful women!! We might as well take advantage of that while we can. Well, the young and single part.. We'll always be beautiful! :)
No matter what you decide, your family and friends will always be here and support you and your choices. Live for YOU right now! Be as selfish as possible and create your destiny. Make your dreams your reality. Travel, laugh, love, pray, discover yourself, and drink lots of wine!!!
I hope that whatever you decide to do you do it with no regrets. Take advantage of this time and try to love every minute of it. Easier said than done, believe me, but it's possible."

Erin
Xoxoxo

words.

How often do you take the time to think about the power of words? I mean really think about it? Yeah, there’s the obvious words that we think about: love, hate, justice, freedom, etc., but how about the other less obvious words that carry just as much power if not more than those we are aware of? The other day I heard this quote: “Only this moment is life.” WOW! That may be the best sentence I have ever heard. When I break it down and really think about its meaning, I can’t help but to focus on the word “moment.”

Moment: a specific point in time, especially the present; a particular period of importance, influence, or significance in a series of events or developments; outstanding significance or value (thefreedictionary.com).

“Only this moment is life.” It’s funny how such a simple sentence can be so powerful and complex. Think about it: This moment right now, nothing else, is life. The only thing that matters is what you do right now in this moment. The moments in the past are in the past; they are no longer. We cannot control what has already happened, but when we decide to live in the present moment, we can create whatever it is we choose to create.  I can’t help but to smile when I think about it like that. This is it: this moment is life, and life is what we make it. Therefore, this moment is what we make it.  Instead of living for the future and having a five-year plan for the moments ahead or just going through the motions like it is so easy to do, maybe we should take a step back and look at the here and now: the moment that we are currently occupying and embrace it, live it, make it the best moment possible.

Live this moment. Live this life. And smile.

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,
This is my first Christmas away from my family. I am unable to afford to fly home and spend this time in Tennessee with the people I love the most. If I could afford a plane ticket, I would be there in a heartbeat, but I can't. So, here is my only Christmas wish. Maybe you can help?
For Christmas this year I would like a plane ticket to Nashville, even if only for two days. If this is possible, I will be forever grateful. I understand in this economy, your availability of funds may be limited, but I figured I would at least give it a try. I am trying to be a good girl, and I am spreading Christmas cheer everyday by singing loud for all to hear. If there is anything else you need me to do to help you out this season, holler.

P.S. I guess if you are unable to fulfill my only true wish, my back-up wish would be to meet a very handsome, rich man to spend the holidays with so I am not so lonely and sad here in Colorado.
P.S.S. Buddy the Elf is by far my favorite elf.  

Forever a believer,
Erin Ritter
xoxo

Sparks

Taylor Swift has a song that talks about seeing “sparks fly” whenever that someone special smiles. Oh, the spark! If you’ve ever had it, you know exactly what I am talking about.  If you haven’t, then you are in for a real treat once you do experience it. Having a “spark” with someone is magical, but what if that is the only thing the two of you have in common?! OR better yet… What if you have everything else but the “spark?” I guess the real question is: How truly important is the “spark”???

I’ve experienced the “spark” once, and boy was it amazing! Seriously, it is indescribable. However, there were several other (important) components of a relationship that were missing with that person. Trust, commitment, growth, support, etc. were all absent, but that spark was oh-so prevalent. And then there have been other relationships where the previous mentioned elements were present, but the spark was more like a fizzle that soon burned out.  It was like I had 90% of everything I wanted in the relationship(s) that consisted of the elements of honesty, trustworthiness, support, love, but there was a 10% void within our relationship: the spark was missing.

After experiencing the so-called “spark,” of course I want it to be present in a future relationship. I also want all those other important “key elements” that I have experienced in other relationships to be there as well. Sometimes I wonder if it is even possible to have it all. I hear it all the time: “It is out there, Erin. You’ll find it, and it will be worth the wait!” I hope those people are right.

On one hand that “spark” is so important to me! On the other hand, all those other elements that I want (and need) are more important in the long-run. I believe that I can have an amazing, lasting relationship with someone if those key elements are present even if the “spark” is missing. I know from previous experiences that a relationship which is solely based on that “spark” won’t last; those other elements must be present as well. But, what if it’s possible to have them all? How amazing could that be?!!?!

I guess time will tell if I will find those key elements PLUS the “spark.” Every ounce of me wants to and will do whatever it takes to get it. But for now, I’ll focus on me and enjoy this life that I am presently living. And maybe, just maybe, one day I will see those sparks fly whenever HE smiles. J