Fifty-six days, and not a day has gone by that someone has not asked me: "Why did you move out here? Why Colorado?" The default answer has been: "Just because. I just packed up my two-door Honda and drove out here." The usual responses are "Wow! That's awesome!" and "You are so brave!" Ok, so I guess I am "brave," and it is awesome that I am out here. However, there is so much more to it, and the longer I am here, the more I am understanding that. Last night it came to me... I moved to Colorado for a break.
It all started last fall. I was stuck in THE job from hell. I was so unhappy with life. In December I quit because I just couldn't do it any longer. From there I decided to move across the country. Since then I have literally bounced from place to place never finding the "right" spot for me. Finally in June I decided that I would soon make a permanent move to Colorado. I needed to get away. Most of my friends in the south are married and/or have children. Many of them have careers and are happy (or at least they pretend to be) with the way their lives are playing out. They have houses, cars, things that are theirs. They are content.
So, when I really think about it, I needed a break from all of that "normalness." At this point in my life, I am on a whole different level than almost everyone I know (not saying that's a good or a bad thing). I love my family and my friends more than I can express in words, so I didn't need a "break" from them. I needed a break from the day in, day out routine; I needed a break from the "norm" that our society has created; I needed a break from "bad" friends and unloyal acquiantances; I needed a break from an unappreciative job; I needed a break from the judgmental south that is full of ignorance and racism; I needed a break from all the "perfect" couples; I needed a break from all of the mommies and babies (not because I don't LOVE them, but because that's the one thing I want more than anything, and it's hard to be around when it's not happening to me); I needed a break from the "responsible-always-make-the-right-decisions Erin;" I needed a break from life, and by that I mean I needed to start living MY life.
It's been almost nine weeks, and I am still trying to find my place in this big ole world of ours. There have been many life lessons in this short amount of time, and I am grateful for each and every one of them. I've laughed, cried, loved, lost, but above all, I have gained. I have gained strength, confidence, friendship, knowledge, and lessons that I will forever carry with me.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
That girl is gone, gone, gone..
Let's face it. I keep making the same mistake over and over again. I keep attracting "that" guy... The one whose potential I can see, but not the one who lives up to it. The one who is not only dishonest with me but is also dishonest with himself. The one that, no matter what, chooses to settle for less than ultimate greatness.
I am finally conscious of why I keep doing this. (Although a great lesson) I was taught "to see the good in everyone." My mom always quoted her mom by saying: "There's good in everyone, but sometimes you have to look harder in some than others." Truly believing there is good in everyone, I do take the time and put forth the energy to find it. Oh, and when I do find it, is it good!!! I think that's why I have such a passion to work with at-risk adolescents. Although many people would argue that the early teenage years are the worst, I LOVE them! Even moreso, the "at-risk" ones, you know the ones that almost no one can get through to or even take the time to try, are my ultimate favorites! Once I find the good in them (yeah, sometimes it can take a minute!) it's AMAZING!!!
I do this in relationships too. I guess part of me (the naive part) thinks I can "save" them: help them see their potential, see how amazing they are, and help them to live up to it and become the greatest version of themselves. No matter how much I give, the example I set, or the words that I say, it doesn't work. I've failed each time. In my opinion there's nothing worse than seeing the potential in an amazing person and not being able to do anything about it. I just go on reflecting on the "What If's" and the "What else could I do's."
Not anymore.
That girl is gone. Gone. I cannot put any more energy into other people's potential. From this point forward, all that energy is directed towards me. I have just as much potential as anyone else, and I am now conscious of the fact that I am not fully living up to it. Yeah, even on a bad day I am above-average. Even still I am not the greatest version of me. Not yet anyway..
In Febraury I was asked, "On a scale of 1 to 10, overall how do you rank yourself?" Regardless of how I was feeling or the life changes I was experiencing (that was a tough month for me!), I confidently and honestly replied, "A ten!" Yep, that's right. I WAS A TEN, and I knew it. The response was, "Why not a 15?" Hmmm... Why not a 15? I had a lot of growing to do at that point.
Since then I have grown tremendously, and I am still growing. It's August, and I am still not at a 15, but I'm getting there. Right now I'd consider myself a 12.5. I know there is much for me to do and for me to learn to get to that 15, to that greatest version of me. First of all I need to focus on me and only me. I need to cut that emotional cord from a past relationship that unfortunately is still there. Also. I need to tear down those "walls" that I've built up around my heart. I need to not look at failures as failing but as growing. After all, if it wasn't for all of those "falls," I would not be the 12.5 that I am today. Most of all, I need to trust myself to make the right choices while being conscious of those choices.
So today, right now, I am making a conscious decision to let that scared, untrusting, "life saver" go. That girl is gone. Here's to a new, improved, better-than-ever Erin. An Erin that loves herself, sees HER greatest potential, and won't stop until she reaches it and becomes the greatest version of herself. It'll happen; it's inevitable.
I am finally conscious of why I keep doing this. (Although a great lesson) I was taught "to see the good in everyone." My mom always quoted her mom by saying: "There's good in everyone, but sometimes you have to look harder in some than others." Truly believing there is good in everyone, I do take the time and put forth the energy to find it. Oh, and when I do find it, is it good!!! I think that's why I have such a passion to work with at-risk adolescents. Although many people would argue that the early teenage years are the worst, I LOVE them! Even moreso, the "at-risk" ones, you know the ones that almost no one can get through to or even take the time to try, are my ultimate favorites! Once I find the good in them (yeah, sometimes it can take a minute!) it's AMAZING!!!
I do this in relationships too. I guess part of me (the naive part) thinks I can "save" them: help them see their potential, see how amazing they are, and help them to live up to it and become the greatest version of themselves. No matter how much I give, the example I set, or the words that I say, it doesn't work. I've failed each time. In my opinion there's nothing worse than seeing the potential in an amazing person and not being able to do anything about it. I just go on reflecting on the "What If's" and the "What else could I do's."
Not anymore.
That girl is gone. Gone. I cannot put any more energy into other people's potential. From this point forward, all that energy is directed towards me. I have just as much potential as anyone else, and I am now conscious of the fact that I am not fully living up to it. Yeah, even on a bad day I am above-average. Even still I am not the greatest version of me. Not yet anyway..
In Febraury I was asked, "On a scale of 1 to 10, overall how do you rank yourself?" Regardless of how I was feeling or the life changes I was experiencing (that was a tough month for me!), I confidently and honestly replied, "A ten!" Yep, that's right. I WAS A TEN, and I knew it. The response was, "Why not a 15?" Hmmm... Why not a 15? I had a lot of growing to do at that point.
Since then I have grown tremendously, and I am still growing. It's August, and I am still not at a 15, but I'm getting there. Right now I'd consider myself a 12.5. I know there is much for me to do and for me to learn to get to that 15, to that greatest version of me. First of all I need to focus on me and only me. I need to cut that emotional cord from a past relationship that unfortunately is still there. Also. I need to tear down those "walls" that I've built up around my heart. I need to not look at failures as failing but as growing. After all, if it wasn't for all of those "falls," I would not be the 12.5 that I am today. Most of all, I need to trust myself to make the right choices while being conscious of those choices.
So today, right now, I am making a conscious decision to let that scared, untrusting, "life saver" go. That girl is gone. Here's to a new, improved, better-than-ever Erin. An Erin that loves herself, sees HER greatest potential, and won't stop until she reaches it and becomes the greatest version of herself. It'll happen; it's inevitable.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
A Serious Blog on Life and Death...
Today in Mt. Juliet, Tennessee another set of parents bury a son. A son who attended Gladeville Elementary School; a son who played football; a son who had blond hair and the best smile around; a son who was only 28 years old.
I haven't seen much less talked to Trent in probably twelve years. After elementary school we hung out with different groups of friends and just went our separate ways. But, regardless of how much time has past, this day is not any less sad. When I think back to the days when Trent and I were friends, I remember him, Coche, Clint, Dustin, and Josh on the playground playing kickball. I remember long afternoon talks to the phone with him. I even remember that his name was scribbled on numerous pages of my diary because I thought he was sooo cute.
The MJHS c/o 2002 has seen many lives lost. If I'm not mistaken, Trent is the sixth classmate to whom we've had to say goodbye. The classes of '01 and '03 have lost several dear friends as well. From Gary to Sarah to Trent and the others in between, we have not forgotten. Each and every day they are greatly missed by their families, friends, and acquaintances. Their memories continue to live on. It's hard to imagine that these lives had to come to an end. That the plan for their beings were for them to leave this earth at such a young age. I know we shouldn't question life and why things happen the way they do, but that's easier said than done in times like these. No one ever said tomorrow is promised to be here, but we still take it for granted. We just expect to see our friends and family the next day. We expect things to be the way they always are and for things to never change.
So today, tell those that you love and hold dear to your heart how you feel. Hug their necks if they are nearby. Give them a call to say hi. Laugh with them. Remember the good times. Make more memories. Take pictures. Cherish the time that you do have because you never know when that is the last time.
This blog is dedicated to all of my family, friends, acquaintances, and blog-followers-- Thank you for being someone special in my life. I feel extremely honored to be surrounded by such amazing people!! My life becomes richer each and every day because of the people I meet and build relationships with. I have loved. I have been loved. I have seen and experienced things that people only dream about. I am truly blessed. So, if I don't see tomorrow, I hope you all know how much I care about you. Thank you for the lessons learned and the memories created. I love you and will always cherish the times we've shared together.
xoxoxoxo
"People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. "
I haven't seen much less talked to Trent in probably twelve years. After elementary school we hung out with different groups of friends and just went our separate ways. But, regardless of how much time has past, this day is not any less sad. When I think back to the days when Trent and I were friends, I remember him, Coche, Clint, Dustin, and Josh on the playground playing kickball. I remember long afternoon talks to the phone with him. I even remember that his name was scribbled on numerous pages of my diary because I thought he was sooo cute.
The MJHS c/o 2002 has seen many lives lost. If I'm not mistaken, Trent is the sixth classmate to whom we've had to say goodbye. The classes of '01 and '03 have lost several dear friends as well. From Gary to Sarah to Trent and the others in between, we have not forgotten. Each and every day they are greatly missed by their families, friends, and acquaintances. Their memories continue to live on. It's hard to imagine that these lives had to come to an end. That the plan for their beings were for them to leave this earth at such a young age. I know we shouldn't question life and why things happen the way they do, but that's easier said than done in times like these. No one ever said tomorrow is promised to be here, but we still take it for granted. We just expect to see our friends and family the next day. We expect things to be the way they always are and for things to never change.
So today, tell those that you love and hold dear to your heart how you feel. Hug their necks if they are nearby. Give them a call to say hi. Laugh with them. Remember the good times. Make more memories. Take pictures. Cherish the time that you do have because you never know when that is the last time.
This blog is dedicated to all of my family, friends, acquaintances, and blog-followers-- Thank you for being someone special in my life. I feel extremely honored to be surrounded by such amazing people!! My life becomes richer each and every day because of the people I meet and build relationships with. I have loved. I have been loved. I have seen and experienced things that people only dream about. I am truly blessed. So, if I don't see tomorrow, I hope you all know how much I care about you. Thank you for the lessons learned and the memories created. I love you and will always cherish the times we've shared together.
xoxoxoxo
"People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. "
Monday, August 15, 2011
The List: Top 50 Things
In February I was challenged to come up with an extremely detailed list of EVERYTHING I had to have in a guy. This was the most detailed list ever. I included things from "he has to be a man" to "he can't drive a mini-van," to "brown eyes," to "he will not put little cling-on family people on his car." I believe I was well over 220 specific items. No joke. Since then my "criteria" has changed a little. Although there are extra things that I desire, I have narrowed "The List" to the Top 50 Things! So, for all you girls out there who are not exactly sure what YOU want, I am going to share my list with you. I will also include "The Extras" as an added bonus. (P.S.- This list is not necessarily in any specific order.)
The List: Top 50 Things
1. Honest with himself, with me, and with others
2. Trustworthy
3. Faithful
4. Kind-hearted
5. Self-aware and confident
6. Has a sense of humor/ is funny
7. Has a huge personality
8. Goal-oriented
9. Is on the same level as me (I'm well on my way to being a 15 on a 10-point scale)
10. Communicative
11. Loves to travel
12. Has strong morals and values
13. Has that "spark" with me
14. I have that "spark" with him
15. Loving (and truly loves me!)
16. Won't settle for less than greatness
17. Emotionally, mentally, and physically available
18. Takes care of himself/ healthy
19. Is not controlling but is an equal
20. Independent
21. Has a great family and has a good relationship with them
22. Someone that my family loves and who loves my family
23. Someone who wants me just as much as I want him
24. Loves life and lives it to the fullest
25. Doesn't work life away, but has a strong work ethic and is a hard worker
26. (Actively) sexually satisfying to me....sorry mom
27. I'm (actively) sexually satistying to him.....again, sorry mom
28. Has a love for children
29. Wants to have children (preferrably three)
30. Will be an excellent father (always loving, supportive, present, active, encouraging, etc.)
31. Outgoing and friendly
32. Adventurous
33. Encourages me to be the greatest version of me
34. I encourage him to be the greatest version of himself
35. Spiritual/ Believes in God
36. Respectful of himself, of me, and of others
37. Learns and grows from his "mistakes" and "falls" (doesn't see falling as failing)
38. Is manly, but is in touch with and comfortable with his feminine energy
39. Loves music, movies, the arts, reading
40. Well-cultured/ open-minded
41. Has a love for knowledge/ learning
42. Loves and enjoys sports/ the outdoors
43. Supports himself financially and will support his family
44. Caring of the environment and those around him
45. Has friends: loves them and loves my friends
46. Conscious of his words, actions, feelings, and thoughts
47. Positively challenges me and our relationship
48. Committed to having a magical, amazing, undying relationship with me
49. Knows WHO he is and stands true to himself
50. Confident enough in himself to be comfortable with a strong, independent, confident woman with high masculine energy but who can also be extremely vunerable and feminine at times
Ok, and here is "The Extras." Please be aware that this list is constantly changing. Let's just call it a work-in-progress.
The List: The Extras
1. Caucasian (preferrably Western European-American, but 100%-Italians are welcome)
2. Male
3. Straight
4. Tall (6'0 +)
5. Great straight, white (all of his) teeth (This should be item #51 on The List)
6. Brushes his teeth at least twice a day
7. Flosses daily
8. Good all-around hygiene...clean!
9. Attractive!!!
10. Is a runner or works out
11. Doesn't (and never will) drive a mini-van
12. Enjoys to chill and drink a beer (or a case of beer)
13. Between the ages of 25-40
14. Has a paying job (and keeps it)
15. Is not in jail and won't be going to jail
16. Doesn't smell
17. Doesn't have bad breath
18. Gives out compliments and buys me flowers just because!
19. Thinks my jokes are funny (because they are...)
20. Tolerates (and enjoys) my loud, beautiful singing no matter where we are, who is around, or what we are doing
21. Will not put little cling-on family people on his car
22. Doesn't smoke cigerettes or chew tobacco (ewww...)
23. Loves goats
24. Loves dogs
25. Doesn't want cats, ever
26. Respects the fact that I only eat five meats and that I won't eat babies (animals that is)
The List: Top 50 Things
1. Honest with himself, with me, and with others
2. Trustworthy
3. Faithful
4. Kind-hearted
5. Self-aware and confident
6. Has a sense of humor/ is funny
7. Has a huge personality
8. Goal-oriented
9. Is on the same level as me (I'm well on my way to being a 15 on a 10-point scale)
10. Communicative
11. Loves to travel
12. Has strong morals and values
13. Has that "spark" with me
14. I have that "spark" with him
15. Loving (and truly loves me!)
16. Won't settle for less than greatness
17. Emotionally, mentally, and physically available
18. Takes care of himself/ healthy
19. Is not controlling but is an equal
20. Independent
21. Has a great family and has a good relationship with them
22. Someone that my family loves and who loves my family
23. Someone who wants me just as much as I want him
24. Loves life and lives it to the fullest
25. Doesn't work life away, but has a strong work ethic and is a hard worker
26. (Actively) sexually satisfying to me....sorry mom
27. I'm (actively) sexually satistying to him.....again, sorry mom
28. Has a love for children
29. Wants to have children (preferrably three)
30. Will be an excellent father (always loving, supportive, present, active, encouraging, etc.)
31. Outgoing and friendly
32. Adventurous
33. Encourages me to be the greatest version of me
34. I encourage him to be the greatest version of himself
35. Spiritual/ Believes in God
36. Respectful of himself, of me, and of others
37. Learns and grows from his "mistakes" and "falls" (doesn't see falling as failing)
38. Is manly, but is in touch with and comfortable with his feminine energy
39. Loves music, movies, the arts, reading
40. Well-cultured/ open-minded
41. Has a love for knowledge/ learning
42. Loves and enjoys sports/ the outdoors
43. Supports himself financially and will support his family
44. Caring of the environment and those around him
45. Has friends: loves them and loves my friends
46. Conscious of his words, actions, feelings, and thoughts
47. Positively challenges me and our relationship
48. Committed to having a magical, amazing, undying relationship with me
49. Knows WHO he is and stands true to himself
50. Confident enough in himself to be comfortable with a strong, independent, confident woman with high masculine energy but who can also be extremely vunerable and feminine at times
Ok, and here is "The Extras." Please be aware that this list is constantly changing. Let's just call it a work-in-progress.
The List: The Extras
1. Caucasian (preferrably Western European-American, but 100%-Italians are welcome)
2. Male
3. Straight
4. Tall (6'0 +)
5. Great straight, white (all of his) teeth (This should be item #51 on The List)
6. Brushes his teeth at least twice a day
7. Flosses daily
8. Good all-around hygiene...clean!
9. Attractive!!!
10. Is a runner or works out
11. Doesn't (and never will) drive a mini-van
12. Enjoys to chill and drink a beer (or a case of beer)
13. Between the ages of 25-40
14. Has a paying job (and keeps it)
15. Is not in jail and won't be going to jail
16. Doesn't smell
17. Doesn't have bad breath
18. Gives out compliments and buys me flowers just because!
19. Thinks my jokes are funny (because they are...)
20. Tolerates (and enjoys) my loud, beautiful singing no matter where we are, who is around, or what we are doing
21. Will not put little cling-on family people on his car
22. Doesn't smoke cigerettes or chew tobacco (ewww...)
23. Loves goats
24. Loves dogs
25. Doesn't want cats, ever
26. Respects the fact that I only eat five meats and that I won't eat babies (animals that is)
A Shout-Out to the Breakups
I'm halfway through It's a BreakUP Not a Breakdown by Lisa Steadman. On page 101 she talks about "Life Lessons for the Savvy Single." She poses the thought:
"Think about what you'd miss out on if you never went through a breakup-- that is, what you life would be like if you were still in a relationship with your first boyfriend. Think about all the lessons you never would have learned without going through that first breakup (and all the ones that followed)."
Wow! When I really sit here and think about it, I have done SOOO much since my first big breakup (and even more since the others). Wow. Maybe I should write thank-you notes to all the guys who let me go because they were truly doing me a huge favor by allowing me the freedom to be fabulous and experience all of these amazing things!!!
Had it not been for my big breakup in 2009, I would have never met some of my most awesome friends in Georgia that I hold dear to my heart (especially JJ Maner, Sandy and Joel Cantu, and Jody Holtzclaw!!!). I would have never went to Europe (well, at least not Erin-style) last summer and experienced all the amazing, once-in-a-lifetime things that I had the pleasure of doing. I would have never moved to Portland, Oregon or Denver, Colorado. I would have never met those amazing people in Portland or Jillian Dorscheimer!!! I would have missed out on sooo much that was in my face, just waiting for me to notice.
Honestly, I would still be at Bonaire Middle School in Warner Robins, Georgia. I would still have "bad" friends who did not encourage me to grow and be my greatest me. I would still be telling myself that I "am happy," well aware that I wasn truly unhappy. Shoot, I definitely wouldn't be half as happy as I am now. I would still be going through the motions and always wondering what more was out there and wishing I could experience more of life.
Honestly, I would still be at Bonaire Middle School in Warner Robins, Georgia. I would still have "bad" friends who did not encourage me to grow and be my greatest me. I would still be telling myself that I "am happy," well aware that I wasn truly unhappy. Shoot, I definitely wouldn't be half as happy as I am now. I would still be going through the motions and always wondering what more was out there and wishing I could experience more of life.
On top of that, if I didn't experience the 2nd big breakup at the beginning of this year, I would have never fully understood how fabulous I am. I would have continued settling and letting myself be held back for less than I deserve. Because of that breakup I grew (and continue to grow) as a person. So many great life-lessons have been learned and are continuing to teach me. I have watched my self-confidence shoot up, and my understanding of people and why they choose to do the things they choose to do has grown immensely. I know now that I can do anything, and everything is possible. More than anything, my understanding of myself, what I want, and what I need is so apparent to me now.
Now, thanks to the big breakups, I have to wonder no longer. I am free to explore, experience, and live life to the fullest with nothing or no one to hold me back. I have a much better understanding of what I DO want and need out of life (and out of a man). And, until I find exactly what I am looking for, I am going to continue to have the time of my life, reach for and watch all of my dreams come true, and regret nothing along the way...all while being the fabulous, greatest version of ME. :)
Monday, August 8, 2011
Who Knew I Needed to be More Specific!!?!
A few weeks ago a friend and I "white-boarded" (wrote out a "wish list" on a white-board) everything I wanted/desired in a job. A few days later I received an email from a non-profit organization in Denver. I set up a phone interview with them and then had two further face-to-face interviews for this position. This was THE job that we had white-boarded!!! It had everything that I was desiring, and I was 100% confident that I would get hired.
This past Friday I found out that I did not get the "dream job" that I so confidently thought I had landed. I was crushed. It was THE white-board job; I could not have designed a more perfect, well-suited job for myself. So, after a long day of sadness and tears followed by a late night junk food binge and even more tears, I was determined to make the best out of the situation and reminded myself that everything happens for a reason and what's meant to be will be.
Fast-forward to tonight. When I got off of work, I noticed that I had two missed calls and a voicemail from a 478 area-code. Guess what!!?!??! I had left one HUGE, monumental detail off of my white-board dream job list. "Located in Colorado" never even crossed my mind while brainstorming the list. And, that 478 area-code isn't even close to Colorado. Instead, it's about 2,000 miles southeast in a little town called Warner Robins, GA.
Yep, that voicemail was from my previous principal who runs the BEST middle school with the BEST students and teachers (well, with the exception of one) around!!! My old principal was calling to possibly offer me a position at Bonaire Middle School. WOW!!!
If you aren't familiar with Georgia State Schools, you may not understand. Houston County is THE place that teachers want to teach. Teachers would literally kill (yeah, I even thought about it this past spring... Sorry Terri!!!) to get into and some wait years for a position to
open up. On top of that, Bonaire Middle School is by far the best in the county when it comes to academics and athletics. And, you know how competitive I am!! I'm sure there's several teachers around the area who are extremely interested in this potential position. And now I'm 2,000 miles away, and they want ME. Geeeez... Nothing like making this life even more difficult on a girl right now.
So, now I have a HUGE decision to make. I love Colorado; I don't want to leave. (Most of) the people are great. I'm making friends, and I feel like I'm getting, yet again, another fresh start to life. But...
This is an ideal job. It, too, is the job that I had white-boarded. I have a ton of amazing people there who truly love and care about me. My favorite students/ players and their parents are there. Telisa, Jody, Joel, Sandy, and several others are there. It's only five hours away from my family. It's a job that people would kill for.
Honestly, if she would have offered me this position in April, I would have never made it to Colorado. But now everything has changed. I've made so much personal progress and have become a better, stronger person because of this move. If I go back to Georgia, it would feel like I'm taking a giant step backwards, not forwards. I know that I have so much ahead of me, and I don't want to lose any ground now. I wouldn't be growing as an individual, and that is something that is very important to me. However, this is my dream job. I love working there, and I miss the job, (most of) the people, and the kids sooooo much.
All I can do is pray about this before I make a decision. I don't want to discount this because it IS an amazing offer, and I love and miss everything there. I know I ultimately have to do what makes ME the happiest; I'm just not 100% sure I know what that is right now.
This past Friday I found out that I did not get the "dream job" that I so confidently thought I had landed. I was crushed. It was THE white-board job; I could not have designed a more perfect, well-suited job for myself. So, after a long day of sadness and tears followed by a late night junk food binge and even more tears, I was determined to make the best out of the situation and reminded myself that everything happens for a reason and what's meant to be will be.
Fast-forward to tonight. When I got off of work, I noticed that I had two missed calls and a voicemail from a 478 area-code. Guess what!!?!??! I had left one HUGE, monumental detail off of my white-board dream job list. "Located in Colorado" never even crossed my mind while brainstorming the list. And, that 478 area-code isn't even close to Colorado. Instead, it's about 2,000 miles southeast in a little town called Warner Robins, GA.
Yep, that voicemail was from my previous principal who runs the BEST middle school with the BEST students and teachers (well, with the exception of one) around!!! My old principal was calling to possibly offer me a position at Bonaire Middle School. WOW!!!
If you aren't familiar with Georgia State Schools, you may not understand. Houston County is THE place that teachers want to teach. Teachers would literally kill (yeah, I even thought about it this past spring... Sorry Terri!!!) to get into and some wait years for a position to
open up. On top of that, Bonaire Middle School is by far the best in the county when it comes to academics and athletics. And, you know how competitive I am!! I'm sure there's several teachers around the area who are extremely interested in this potential position. And now I'm 2,000 miles away, and they want ME. Geeeez... Nothing like making this life even more difficult on a girl right now.
So, now I have a HUGE decision to make. I love Colorado; I don't want to leave. (Most of) the people are great. I'm making friends, and I feel like I'm getting, yet again, another fresh start to life. But...
This is an ideal job. It, too, is the job that I had white-boarded. I have a ton of amazing people there who truly love and care about me. My favorite students/ players and their parents are there. Telisa, Jody, Joel, Sandy, and several others are there. It's only five hours away from my family. It's a job that people would kill for.
Honestly, if she would have offered me this position in April, I would have never made it to Colorado. But now everything has changed. I've made so much personal progress and have become a better, stronger person because of this move. If I go back to Georgia, it would feel like I'm taking a giant step backwards, not forwards. I know that I have so much ahead of me, and I don't want to lose any ground now. I wouldn't be growing as an individual, and that is something that is very important to me. However, this is my dream job. I love working there, and I miss the job, (most of) the people, and the kids sooooo much.
All I can do is pray about this before I make a decision. I don't want to discount this because it IS an amazing offer, and I love and miss everything there. I know I ultimately have to do what makes ME the happiest; I'm just not 100% sure I know what that is right now.
Friday, August 5, 2011
To my very own "Boo-Hoo Crew"
I'm reading a book by Lisa Steadman called "It's a BreakUP, Not a Breakdown: Get Over the Big One and Change Your Life-- for good!" Even though I experienced what I consider "The Big One" over five months ago (yeah, that's right), I have experienced other breakups before and since then. Although I felt like I did what needed to be done to move on and be ready for love and future relationships, I am second-guessing that and am starting over at that once again... Hence the latest read.
Anyway, throughout her book Steadman mentions her "Boo-Hoo Crew," the ones who got her through her tough breakups, and how supportive they were (and still are). She defines this crew as "...a crack team of fabulous female friends. Part cheerleader, part therapist, [they] should be reliable, patient, and consist of at least three girlfriends for round-the-clock supervision and support" (40).
This has inspired me to think about all the amazing people who have stood by and supported me through my breakups. Although there has been several people who have been supportive and positive during my times of sorrow, there are seven of you who have gone (and continue to go) above and beyond. So this blog is dedicated to you, my personal "Boo-Hoo Crew!" Here we go...
Mom Thank you for always supporting my decisions, whether you agree with them or not. I know that I can always count on you to be my biggest fan and be at the "finish line" regardless of if I win or not. Your strength has made me stronger; your example has been the guiding light for me during each and every breakup. You are the strongest woman I know, and I am proud to have had you (and still have you) to guide and direct me in life. I love you!
Meghan You have seen me through every breakup I have ever had (beginning with little Davey Elliott in Kindergarten..LOL). You've been tough yet gentle with me. You've stood by me and, have not only been my sister, but have been my best friend through them all. You've been the easiest one in the family to tell when things don't go my way because I know that my happiness is first and foremost the most important thing to you, and you understand as only a sister can. I love you.
Kendra Oh Kendra, thank you for all the late-night talks when I knew no one else would be awake. Although you are family, I know that you have a different, less biased outlook on things, and I appreciate that. You are real with me, yet kind and comforting when others tend to get upset and sometimes are even harsh. Thanks for being the "middle-man" between my brother (aka: my most difficult, yet most loving ally) and me. I know he means well, but you soften the blow for both of us. I love you.
Cameron First of all, let me apologize for grouping you as a "fabulous female friend!" However, you have played (and keep playing) a vital role in the three most difficult relationship breakups that I have experienced. Although you have always been on my side, you have given me that "guy perspective" and helped me see things from the other side. I know that no matter what you will always answer your phone and let me cry until I have no tears left to shed. You are always optimistic about my future and reassure me that I am awesome and only deserve the best. I love you.
Kristi Thank you for being my best friend for twenty years. You always help me see the "big picture" and keep me focused on God and His plan for my life. You always reassure me that He will not give me more than I can handle. You have seen me through all of my adult breakups and have stood by me no matter what. You always listen to me and are always optimistic in my choices and life moves, regardless how drastic they have been. I love you.
To all the others who have held me when I cried, listened to my angry rants, and have encouraged me to be strong and postive, thank you. Thank you for all of your love, support, words of encouragement, and for all of the prayers. I am not sure if you realize how much it all means to me, so let me tell you now. It all means the world to me, and I appreciate each and every one of you. I am so lucky to have such amazing people in my life, and I thank God every day for blessing me with all of you. My life really is awesome because of the awesome people in it. I love you all. <3
Steadman, Lisa. It's A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life - for good! Avon, Massachusetts: Polka Dot Press, 2007.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Four weeks before becoming homesick = A Record!!!
Four weeks later, and I am finally feeling a little homesick. This is definitely a record!!!
Saturday was my four-week anniversary in Colorado. I left Nashville thirty four days ago today. When I left, there were no tears, only the biggest smile EVER on my face! This was the first time that I had ever felt 100% confident in my decision to move anywhere. I am pretty sure that had to do with the fact that this was the first time I had moved solely for myself and my happiness. It was what I wanted.
This past weekend was a little tough. I missed my friends and family so much. When I got off of work on Friday and Saturday night, I had NOTHING to do. If I was in Nashville (or even Warner Robins, GA), I would have had endless options. But here, I had one: Go back to my "couch of the week," pour a glass, which turned into three, of my favorite Riesling, and play Angry Birds in my PJ's. Lame, I know, but it's whatever.
Although I have been feeling homesick and overwhelmed about work, money, relationships, etc., I know that everything will be GREAT and will work itself out for the best. I can go home to visit anytime, and hopefully my family and some friends will come out here soon to visit me as well.
Overall I am pretty impressed with myself and the fact that I made it FOUR WEEKS before feeling this way. In 2007 when I moved to Georgia, I felt like this as Michael and I were pulling out of my parents' driveway. I am pretty sure I cried until we crossed over the TN/GA line...that would be over two hours. When I moved from Georgia back to Tennessee last spring, I missed my friends and my amazing job instantly. And, it was only a couple of days being in Portland, and I was already homesick. So, four weeks is definitely something to be proud of.
I do love Colorado, and I know that this is where I am meant to be (for now, anyway). Who knows what the future holds, but in the meantime, I am going to make the best out of this beautiful landscape, amazing weather, and the friendly people. Hopefully I will survive the winter and make it to see another gorgeous summer in Colorado!!! <3
Saturday was my four-week anniversary in Colorado. I left Nashville thirty four days ago today. When I left, there were no tears, only the biggest smile EVER on my face! This was the first time that I had ever felt 100% confident in my decision to move anywhere. I am pretty sure that had to do with the fact that this was the first time I had moved solely for myself and my happiness. It was what I wanted.
This past weekend was a little tough. I missed my friends and family so much. When I got off of work on Friday and Saturday night, I had NOTHING to do. If I was in Nashville (or even Warner Robins, GA), I would have had endless options. But here, I had one: Go back to my "couch of the week," pour a glass, which turned into three, of my favorite Riesling, and play Angry Birds in my PJ's. Lame, I know, but it's whatever.
Although I have been feeling homesick and overwhelmed about work, money, relationships, etc., I know that everything will be GREAT and will work itself out for the best. I can go home to visit anytime, and hopefully my family and some friends will come out here soon to visit me as well.
Overall I am pretty impressed with myself and the fact that I made it FOUR WEEKS before feeling this way. In 2007 when I moved to Georgia, I felt like this as Michael and I were pulling out of my parents' driveway. I am pretty sure I cried until we crossed over the TN/GA line...that would be over two hours. When I moved from Georgia back to Tennessee last spring, I missed my friends and my amazing job instantly. And, it was only a couple of days being in Portland, and I was already homesick. So, four weeks is definitely something to be proud of.
I do love Colorado, and I know that this is where I am meant to be (for now, anyway). Who knows what the future holds, but in the meantime, I am going to make the best out of this beautiful landscape, amazing weather, and the friendly people. Hopefully I will survive the winter and make it to see another gorgeous summer in Colorado!!! <3
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