It’s like a postcard from Paris when I’ve seen the real thing...

“Will I ever be satisfied because all I ever seem to find is a postcard from Paris when I need the real thing?!” These lyrics from The Band Perry really hit home for me lately.  Me: the happy-go-lucky, life-loving, makes everyone laugh, sweet girl.  I spend 95% of my life smiling the biggest smile while making others happy and living my life to the fullest. But, no matter how hard I try, that other 5% sneaks up on me when I am least expecting it. 

So much of my adult life has been spent doing things for others, putting on a happy face, and rolling with the good, bad, and especially the really bad. No matter how down and out I get, I almost automatically without thinking get right back up and make life better than it ever was before. Although I am proud of myself for how I have handled the hard times and obstacles that life has thrown my way, I am exhausted. I am tired of the pressure of ALWAYS being the happy, smiling girl who doesn’t let life get her down…ever. The truth is sometimes it does get me down, but then I immediately feel guilty because I tell myself that I “shouldn’t” feel sad or cry or want to sleep all day because that’s not how I handle things.  So, I put on a happy face and bury what I am truly feeling because “it could be so much worse.” Like I have written about before, I tie myself up with a smile and pretend everything is perfect. No matter how hard it is for me to admit this, sometimes I need to be the one who is being picked up by others and crying on one’s shoulder. 

I know that in a couple of days I will be back to my laughing, smiling, loving-love self, but for now I am tired. I want to curl up on the couch and hibernate for a few days. I want to eat a gallon of ice cream without feeling guilty and watch sappy movies. But above all else, I want to say goodbye to this year and begin a new, better chapter of my life. The good thing is that it can only go up from here, right?

To the most AMAZING woman I know...

Dear Mom,
You are the greatest, most loving, most beautiful woman I know, and I am honored to be your daughter. You have been and continue to be the true definition of a "woman" for me, Meghan, and now your granddaughters: beautiful inside and out, faithful, strong, confident, loving, kind, hard-working, independent, God-fearing, loyal, giving, unselfish, honest... The list could go on and on...

Thank you for loving me and supporting me unconditionally. Thank you for being proud of me for my accomplishments and standing by me when I make mistakes. Thank you for being my biggest fan even when I am wrong. Thank you for giving me your eyes and your beauty. Thank you for teaching me by example that a woman is able to be strong and depend on herself even when it feels like the whole world is against her. Thank you for passing down to me your love for traveling and your passion for meeting new people and turning your dreams into reality. Thank you for molding Meghan and me into strong women who are confident in all that we do and only learn and grow from our "falls." Thank you for raising me to love and trust in my God, and thank you for living your Christian life by example for your children. Thank you for being my hero. Thank you for my brother. Thank you for my sister. Thank you for the love, praise, hugs, and kisses that were more than plentiful at our home. Thank you for the traditions that we have and for the love that still exists between the "five of us." :) You were and still are the mold that holds us together. Thank you for loving our dad unconditionally and for teaching us the true meaning of love through your relationship with him. You taught us how to love, laugh, desire, achieve, believe, adventure, learn, ask, explore, trust, forgive, support, and stay true to ourselves no matter what obstacles may come our way... And for everything else, thank you!!!

I am so proud to be your daughter. I am even more honored to be so much like you. I only want to make you proud always. I love you more than I can ever describe with words, but for as long as I am able, I will try my hardest to tell you. Happy Birthday, mom.

What Goes Around, Comes Around: A Happy Little Story

Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, what you say, or how you act you always get the short-end of the stick!?! If you do, join the club. Luckily for me, those days of picking the short stick came in handy this weekend.Two days ago at work I had a coworker tell me that I am "a joy to work with," and then yesterday he commented that I am "truly a good person." Yep, he pretty much made my weekend! After thinking about this and remembering that just a few weeks ago I was complaining about always being "the sweet girl," I will admit that I am proud of the fact that I am "sweet" and a good person, and I'm not going to complain any longer about being what I once considered "insulted" by the word "sweet." 

I do always try to treat people with respect and do everything in my power to help others and make people feel loved. I do things for others without expecting things in return, but sometimes it is nice to know that karma is working in my favor. :)

This all gets me to the main reason for this blog: Sometime during the day yesterday, I lost my driver's license. I could have lost it anywhere: at work, at the bookstore, walking down the street, or in the apartment complex parking lot... Who knows?!! I realized it was gone while I was at the bookstore during my break from work (approx. 4:30 PM). At that point, I figured it was too late to retrace my steps and decided to just go and get another one later in the week.  Fast forward to six hours later when I was heading to bed and turning the lights off in my living room. Just as I was flipping the light switch, I saw something stuck under my door. There it was! Someone came to my address and left my driver's license under my door. I smiled a big smile and thought to myself "Who does that?!" (knowing darn well that I would totally do the same thing if I were to find a stranger's ID). In that instant I was proud to be that "sweet, good girl," and even though I will survive without any formal recognition, it is nice to know that my good deeds/"sweetness" doesn't go unrewarded. 

So, the next time you are frustrated with the fact that others don't appreciate you or when you are tired of always hearing about "sweet" you are (when you would rather be considered/described as "beautiful," "sexy," and/or "amazingly breathtaking"), just know that good things will come your way!! Your good deeds do not go unnoticed. People do appreciate you even if you don't hear it often enough. You are loved and will continue to prosper because of who you are and how you treat others. Karma can be a good thing or a bad thing, so decide to make it a good thing today. 

Do a good deed for someone just because without wanting anything in return. Pay it forward, and I promise that it will come back around to you.

Advice: I'm great at giving it. Taking it is another story.

Isn't it funny how easy it is to give really good advice to others, yet it's really hard to take it when it relates to you and your own life?? I have realized that a lot lately. I'm pretty wise when it comes to life, trials, falls, and other not-so-fun experiences. I give  good advice to a lot of people, but what about those time when I should (and need) to listen to it myself? That's really tough for me.

Earlier today I wrote an email to a friend who is in a very similar situation as I am. She's far from her family, friends, and everything that she knows. She is lonely and misses her family so much it hurts. To most of us, she's at a place in her life that we could only dream of, but she's actually living out this dream. However, she's not happy. She thinks of "waking up" and leaving this "dream" behind. 

Like her, I have been really unhappy lately and have been doubting my latest move to Colorado. I'm really sad that I'll be without my family on Christmas, and I've only been focusing on the negative things here on my own. 
After writing the email and proofreading it about four times before sending it (remember, I am an English major!), I read it one more time to myself. I listened to the words and realized that I needed to take my own advice. Like her, I am living a dream. I have so many opportunities right in front of me that I'm missing out on because I'm choosing to focus all of my energy on the fact that I am alone during the holidays instead of taking advantage of the endless possibilities to potentially make this the best Christmas ever. 

Today I vow to listen to my own advice. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, I am making the best out of these moments. I will laugh, love, pray, discover myself, and have the time of my life no matter where I am or what I am doing.

So, if you are struggling today with life, love, location, or whatever it is, here's part of that email that I wrote. Maybe my advice will help you as much as it helped me today.:

"If you are lonely and missing your family, I can totally relate! Ever since I got back from visiting my family for Thanksgiving/ my nephew's birth in November, things haven't been the same. I'm sad more than I'm not. I wake up and go to bed feeling lonely and left out. I constantly think of Joshie, Jack, and my other nieces and nephew. I cry a lot and am unmotivated to do anything outside of work and hanging out with Bud. It's tough.
No matter how hard it is, something is still holding me here, but I can't explain it. I have decided to give it one more year to see what happens. If I still feel like this next December, I will for sure go home. But who knows, great things may happen and I may stay forever. I'll never know if I don't give it an opportunity to be great. I know if I go home now, I'll regret it and always wonder what could have been. 
We're young, single, beautiful women!! We might as well take advantage of that while we can. Well, the young and single part.. We'll always be beautiful! :)
No matter what you decide, your family and friends will always be here and support you and your choices. Live for YOU right now! Be as selfish as possible and create your destiny. Make your dreams your reality. Travel, laugh, love, pray, discover yourself, and drink lots of wine!!!
I hope that whatever you decide to do you do it with no regrets. Take advantage of this time and try to love every minute of it. Easier said than done, believe me, but it's possible."

Erin
Xoxoxo

words.

How often do you take the time to think about the power of words? I mean really think about it? Yeah, there’s the obvious words that we think about: love, hate, justice, freedom, etc., but how about the other less obvious words that carry just as much power if not more than those we are aware of? The other day I heard this quote: “Only this moment is life.” WOW! That may be the best sentence I have ever heard. When I break it down and really think about its meaning, I can’t help but to focus on the word “moment.”

Moment: a specific point in time, especially the present; a particular period of importance, influence, or significance in a series of events or developments; outstanding significance or value (thefreedictionary.com).

“Only this moment is life.” It’s funny how such a simple sentence can be so powerful and complex. Think about it: This moment right now, nothing else, is life. The only thing that matters is what you do right now in this moment. The moments in the past are in the past; they are no longer. We cannot control what has already happened, but when we decide to live in the present moment, we can create whatever it is we choose to create.  I can’t help but to smile when I think about it like that. This is it: this moment is life, and life is what we make it. Therefore, this moment is what we make it.  Instead of living for the future and having a five-year plan for the moments ahead or just going through the motions like it is so easy to do, maybe we should take a step back and look at the here and now: the moment that we are currently occupying and embrace it, live it, make it the best moment possible.

Live this moment. Live this life. And smile.

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,
This is my first Christmas away from my family. I am unable to afford to fly home and spend this time in Tennessee with the people I love the most. If I could afford a plane ticket, I would be there in a heartbeat, but I can't. So, here is my only Christmas wish. Maybe you can help?
For Christmas this year I would like a plane ticket to Nashville, even if only for two days. If this is possible, I will be forever grateful. I understand in this economy, your availability of funds may be limited, but I figured I would at least give it a try. I am trying to be a good girl, and I am spreading Christmas cheer everyday by singing loud for all to hear. If there is anything else you need me to do to help you out this season, holler.

P.S. I guess if you are unable to fulfill my only true wish, my back-up wish would be to meet a very handsome, rich man to spend the holidays with so I am not so lonely and sad here in Colorado.
P.S.S. Buddy the Elf is by far my favorite elf.  

Forever a believer,
Erin Ritter
xoxo

Sparks

Taylor Swift has a song that talks about seeing “sparks fly” whenever that someone special smiles. Oh, the spark! If you’ve ever had it, you know exactly what I am talking about.  If you haven’t, then you are in for a real treat once you do experience it. Having a “spark” with someone is magical, but what if that is the only thing the two of you have in common?! OR better yet… What if you have everything else but the “spark?” I guess the real question is: How truly important is the “spark”???

I’ve experienced the “spark” once, and boy was it amazing! Seriously, it is indescribable. However, there were several other (important) components of a relationship that were missing with that person. Trust, commitment, growth, support, etc. were all absent, but that spark was oh-so prevalent. And then there have been other relationships where the previous mentioned elements were present, but the spark was more like a fizzle that soon burned out.  It was like I had 90% of everything I wanted in the relationship(s) that consisted of the elements of honesty, trustworthiness, support, love, but there was a 10% void within our relationship: the spark was missing.

After experiencing the so-called “spark,” of course I want it to be present in a future relationship. I also want all those other important “key elements” that I have experienced in other relationships to be there as well. Sometimes I wonder if it is even possible to have it all. I hear it all the time: “It is out there, Erin. You’ll find it, and it will be worth the wait!” I hope those people are right.

On one hand that “spark” is so important to me! On the other hand, all those other elements that I want (and need) are more important in the long-run. I believe that I can have an amazing, lasting relationship with someone if those key elements are present even if the “spark” is missing. I know from previous experiences that a relationship which is solely based on that “spark” won’t last; those other elements must be present as well. But, what if it’s possible to have them all? How amazing could that be?!!?!

I guess time will tell if I will find those key elements PLUS the “spark.” Every ounce of me wants to and will do whatever it takes to get it. But for now, I’ll focus on me and enjoy this life that I am presently living. And maybe, just maybe, one day I will see those sparks fly whenever HE smiles. J

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

They sure do! I had a pretty serious conversation with someone earlier who was seeking my advice on her current love relationship. My expert opinion on love nowadays is that one's actions speak volumes louder than one's words. I've always believed that, and with each passing day (and man), that belief only gets stronger.
It's easy to say "I love you," "I care about you," and/or "I want to be with you." Go ahead, say any or all of those phrases out loud right now. It didn't take much energy, did it?! Nope. It's easy. However, saying and doing are two different things. The doing may start with saying the words, but if one truly means them, the actions are soon to follow. 
Since I was sixteen, I have had five different men (besides my dad and brother, of course) tell me that they "love me." I believe that one of them truly did at one point (well, for a while actually), but even that one failed to be my one true, undying, forever love. Although he continued to say the words up until the end, his actions (or lack thereof) said otherwise...and a lot louder. What was once a relationship full of respect, laughter, and honesty quickly changed to one of silence, disrespect, and lies... none of which fall under my definition of "love."
Thanks to my parents, I have always had and continue to have such a strong definition and example of love in my life. I have been taught that love means respect, loyalty, honesty, support, laughter, and knows no conditions and/or limits. Love is amazing: amazing to give and amazing to receive. I know that I am deserving of that love from everyone I encounter, and I will not stop searching until I find it in a life partner.
If you are struggling with love, dissect the situation. What are the actions attached to that so-called love? Are you being respected as you deserve to be? Is the love unconditional and loyal? Do you feel the love or only hear the words? Furthermore, who are you teaching about love? Are children watching you and your love relationship? If so, is the example that you are setting what you want for them in their future relationships? "Listen" to the actions just as much as you listen to the words. Give your love freely and demand the same in return. Know your worth and don't settle for anything less. <3

What is three hours?!

Two days ago I spent fifteen minutes on the Internet researching jobs with non-profit organizations that target at-risk adolescents. Within minutes I had one job interview set up and two other potential jobs for which I applied. It was then that I was determined to quit settling for the day-in, day-out life I have been living over the past couple of months.  I want more. I need more. I have the ability to make a huge difference in this world, in America’s youth, and in my own community, and now is the time to put that ability into action.

It was then that I came across Metro Denver Partners, a non-profit organization dedicated to building one-on-one mentoring partnerships to help build a stronger community.  Yesterday I walked into their office, filled out an application, spoke with a case manager, and watched a short orientation video.  Over that hour I was the most excited about life than I have been since I backpacked through Europe last summer, and, believe me, I’ve been pretty excited about things since then.

Although I was grinning ear to ear and almost bouncing out of my chair with excitement in their office, a part of me could not help but be saddened to learn about the 70+ kids just in the Metro Denver area who are on a waiting list to receive a mentor, and the majority of those kids will never receive that loving, supportive, encouraging person because volunteers are almost non-existent.  All the organization is asking of an adult mentor is approximately three hours a week spent with his or her matched child. Three out of 168 hours a week is so minuscule when you think about how monumental of a difference one can make in the life of a child. These kids would give everything for a mentor, and all the mentor has to give is three hours of his or her time. So why in the world should there even be a waiting list?!! The short answer: There isn’t enough funding for eye-catching billboards, TV commercials, or radio broadcasts to inform the public about the endless volunteer opportunities just waiting to be taken advantage of.  The majority of the public doesn’t realize how easy it is to make a life-changing difference to a child. Out of sight- out of mind, right? 

The majority of us grew up with loving, supporting parents and siblings who were there for us for anything and everything. How lucky were we?! Imagine being between the ages of 8-17 and having no support, no role-model from who to learn, grow, and gain the confidence and encouragement that motivates kids to succeed in life.  All these kids want is to have a constant person in their lives who loves them and encourages them to make the right choices. They even want someone who will be there for them when they make the wrong choices.  They want someone to talk with, to share with, and to throw a Frisbee with in the park on a Saturday morning.  Someone who is willing to devote only three hours a week to be their partner, their big brother or sister, their confidant.

Over the next year (and probably forever) I will be volunteering at least three hours a week to provide a consistent support and friendship to an at-risk teenage girl. Three hours, and all I have to do is be a friend, an advocate, and a role model for a girl who needs that in her life. I get to go to the park, watch hockey, talk about boys, go out to dinner, play games, go on shopping-sprees, build snowmen, and have the time of my life with a kid. You can’t even imagine how stoked I am about this!!! J  However, even after I am matched with a child who needs me, there are still 70 others in three surrounding counties who will still be desperately waiting for someone to be their mentor. That’s just in Denver. These kids are all over our country… in every state, in every town. 

So, I urge you to search within yourself and decide if this is something you can do for a child who desperately needs someone like you in his or her life. Despite your age, your income, your hobbies, YOU can make a positive difference in a life. If you will find just three hours a week out of your busy schedule to dedicate to a child who needs love and support, please research local non-profits in your area and volunteer your time. Three hours… that’s six episodes of Seinfeld reruns, three stops at the local Starbucks, or one football game that you’d be going to anyway. Why not invite an at-risk youth who may be getting in trouble on the streets because they have nothing better to do and no motivation to do better to something you’d be doing regardless? Not only will you make an ever-lasting difference in the child’s life, you will learn and grow as well. You will be giving back to your community in ways that you may have never imagined.  The value you will get out of this will be as much if not more than the value you are adding to the child’s life, the child’s future. There is no better time than right now to change this world for the better, and YOU can do just that!!

For more information, please visit www.metrodenverpartners.org or Google “adolescent mentoring programs” in your area. If you are not able to do the research, I will do it for you.   Feel free to ask me anything or share your interests with me. I want everyone to be as excited as I am to help these kids and make our future better for all of us!!!

Making My "Dreams" My REALITY!!!

When I came out to Colorado in July, I came with the intentions of turning all of my dreams into reality. But then life happened. I let work, settling down into my apartment, and numerous other things stand in my way. I put my dreams on the back-burner and kept busy so I couldn't (and didn't have to) focus on them. I have moments of wanting those dreams to come true, but then those moments disappear when I focus on every day life (paying bills, unpacking boxes, working as a server, meeting new people, etc.).  Those moments haven't been a priority: chasing my dreams and making them a reality have not been a priority over the past couple of months. And, if you know me at all, that is definitely not acceptable to me.

Too many times we dream about things, but that's all we do... we dream. Why do dreams have to be just "dreams?" I spent some time today researching the meaning of the word "dream." Here is what I found from the World English Dictionary:

1. sequence of imaginative thoughts indulged in while awake; daydream; fantasy (noun) 2. to suffer delusions; be unrealistic (verb) 3. too good to be true; ideal (adjective)

Hmmm, let's ponder this for a moment... Too good to be true? Unrealistic? Fantasy? Is that because we believe our dreams are "too good to be true?" Why waste our time "dreaming" then? If we replace the word "dream" with the word "reality," wouldn't it then become reality? I say yes. If we change our way of thinking that things are too good for us or are too far out of our reach to the belief that we can achieve those things that we so desperately want, wouldn't we reach for more? Of course we would!!!

For my entire life I dreamed about backpacking through Europe. Then, last summer, I made that dream a reality, and ya know what?! The reality was so much more than the dream ever was!!! I have spent the good part of the past two years turning several of my dreams into my reality. But lately I have been stuck in neutral, waiting for my dreams to come true, but not making them come true.

I have such a hard time watching people with "so much potential" settle for mediocrity and just go through the motions, yet lately I've been doing that myself.  I have too much to offer this crazy world of ours to continue to go through the motions and wait for things to happen. It's time to make those things happen now: to turn my dreams into my reality now. Seriously, what do I have to lose? Thanks to an old friend, I realized that I have nothing to lose, but I have everything to gain. I have the potential of being extremely successful in life; everyone does. Now it's time to turn that potential (latent ability and capacity) and all my dreams into reality.

My reality is that I will become successful in everything that I put my mind to. I will work with adolescents each and every day, being a positive, influential part of their lives.  I will write books to help others. I will get on TV and become famous promoting my books and helping adolescents with their every-day struggles.  I will travel the world and experience as much as I can in the time that I am given. I will not take "no" for an answer. I will fall forever in love with an amazing man and be the best mommy on the planet. I will be happy, enjoy life, and never regret anything along the way. I will dream no longer; I will live an incredible life that some may only "dream" of.

 

Tied Together with a Smile

I have been thinking about my “things” a lot lately. When they creep up on me, I grab my journal and write until I have nothing more to say. Writing is my outlet, and more times than not it is the only way I can fall asleep at night.  I have gone through two journals (aka 3-Subject notebooks) since I started journaling in late April of this year. Sometimes I turn my journal entries into blogs for my loyal readers; other times I may share them with a friend or two, but mostly they are a private outlet for just my heart to know and feel.  Most of the time (95%+) I feel on top of the world and look at everything that is thrown at me as a lesson learned and experiences that are only strengthening who I am and where I am going in this life, but I also have my moments of feeling down and out about life and things that I cannot control.  This blog is a collection of several journal entries that I have written recently on the subject of my “things” and their importance to me.

We all have our things: Those things that we try not to think about because there’s really nothing we can do about them. Although we long for it, it seems hopeless and unrealistic to spend too much time and energy on it.   But, somehow, the thought creeps up on us at unexpected times, and we can’t help but to reflect on it. For example, some of us don’t like what we see when we look in the mirror; some of us are in unhappy relationships; others of us hold back the tears and put on a happy face because life is just easier that way; and then there are those of us who have great lives but still feel like something is missing: some void that may never be filled. It may be a child that you are unable to conceive, a relationship that you long for but just never seem to find, a broken friendship that you would give anything to rekindle, or maybe it’s that dream job that always seems just a little too far out of your reach.  Whatever your “thing” may be, it’s real; it’s there, and it is probably easier to just tie yourself together with a smile even if you are coming undone and/or hurting on the inside.

For me, my things are very simple yet very complex. I get that I have more in life than I deserve. I have the best family a girl could ask for, a ton of amazing friends who are always there when I need them, a safe, cozy roof over my head (oh, and a bed!!!!), an abundance of food, clothes on my back, and, above all, an almighty, forgiving, unconditionally loving God who has and continues to bless me beyond belief. But even after I remind myself of all these extraordinary blessings, sometimes I find myself focusing on the “things” that are missing: the voids that I would do almost anything to fill. My two big ones are a love relationship and children.

This past Saturday after hanging out with some girlfriends, I came home to my empty, lonely apartment. At that moment all I could think about was the amazing, loving man and beautiful, healthy children that are missing from my life.  The next morning when I woke up, I had the song “Part of Your World” from The Little Mermaid in my head. Saturday was October 23… exactly three months away from my 28^th birthday. Throughout my life I always thought that I would get married when I was 27 and have my first baby at the age of 28. In my head it was a  real-life fairy tale that was flawlessly planned out to the most minuscule detail.  Needless to say, my life has not gone as “planned.” 

Every time I see a couple walking down the street, holding hands and smiling at one another, I can’t help but to think about that void in my life. I long for the man of my dreams: someone that is my best friend with whom I can share everything with. I want to laugh, cry, love, and give everything I have with the love of my life. I want to experience that “spark” that never goes away. I want to love and be loved forever.

This past August I went into Pottery Barn Kids to look at baby gifts for my soon-to-be born nephew, Jack. Almost instantly after walking through the doors, I started to cry. I walked right out, went to my car, and grabbed my journal.. still crying. I sat in the mall parking lot for about fifteen minutes journaling about how desperately I want to be a mommy. That is the only thing that I have always ever truly wanted… two boys and a girl whom I can love unconditionally forever.

The point of this blog is to not dismiss those “things” in your life that may seem too big to handle. Honestly, I think it is healthy to spend some quality time with your thoughts, desires, and even the “voids.”  It may be easier and even hurt less to put on a happy face and try to forget about those “things.”  But, they never really go away… no matter how hard you try (and believe me, I’ve tried!). Give yourself the opportunity to reflect on your “things.” Write about it; talk about it; shoot, even sing about it if you want. But, then when you are done, look at all the things you DO have! Reflect on how awesome you are and how blessed you are despite what you think may be missing.   Even if you are at the bottom and feel like things can’t get any worse, get excited that everything can only go UP from here!!! On top of all of that, remember that everyone has their own “things” no matter how perfect their lives may seem. Your life is exactly how it is supposed to be right now.

“No one knows that you cry. You don’t tell anyone…. You’re tied together with a smile, but you’re coming undone.” (Taylor Swift)

Love Yourself

This blog is not for me; it’s for you.

First off…Several of my friends make fun of me for being in love with myself, and that’s fine. So, if you are one of them, get ready to let the jokes begin…

Lately I have spent a lot of time reflecting on self-love, self-respect, and self-worth. You may be thinking, “Doesn’t Erin always think about that?” Well, you’d be surprised. Yeah, I think about it a lot and hold myself in a high regard, but in the past I have had my fair share of lack of self-respect and times where I question my self-worth. The only thing that doesn’t change is the fact that I love myself--no matter what--no matter if I feel like no one else does…I do! And honestly, if I love myself, that’s all I need.  Don’t get me wrong: “need” and “want” are two totally different things. I want the whole world to love me as much as I love myself. I want the never-ending love of my family, of my friends, and potentially of a love relationship, and I know that because I love ME they, too, will also love me.

Here’s where YOU come in…

Unfortunately, I have a feeling that I am a minority when it comes to self-love. Throughout my adult life I have witnessed numerous friends struggle with self-love and a large amount of them have been over the past couple of months. They question their value; they aren’t in love with themselves, and they definitely don’t believe that they deserve love from themselves or from others. Let me ask you this: If you don’t believe in yourself and love yourself unconditionally, why in the world would you expect someone else to believe in you and/or love you? More times than not we are so wrapped up in gaining the acceptance of others, of “winning” someone over (be it in our personal lives or our business lives), and finding self-validation from others, that we forget who really matters. We forget that we must focus on ourselves first, accept who we are despite what others tell us, and always be in love with ourselves before we can expect (and accept) the love of others.  Ultimately, you are the only validation of YOU that you need. I understand it’s easier said than done, but, believe me, it’s worth the time and effort. Find who you are; accept who you are; love who you are!!! And, if you are still struggling with this, think about someone who you love that loves you. If they are that amazing of a person to deserve your love and they love you in return, then YOU are definitely worthy of your love as well, right??!!!

(Get ready, here is where you may make fun of me, and again, it’s ok J…) There is not a day that goes by that I don’t confess my undying love for myself in the mirror. (And honestly almost every time I look in the mirror, I tell myself “I love you,” “You are beautiful,” and/or “You are worthy of all that this life has to offer you.”) Take yesterday morning: I was in the bathroom straightening my hair and listening to the radio. A song entitled “Gimme That Girl” by Joe Nichols came on. Of course I proceeded to sing the song to myself in the mirror, smiling to myself, and loving myself for who I am, what I stand for, and for just being ME. And boy, was I feeling like a million bucks all day!

Afterwards I decided to write this blog. I am not writing it to prove to anyone that I love me. I don’t need anyone’s validation of how I feel about myself. I am writing this to challenge you to love yourself with every ounce of who are you. If you believe you are beautiful and worthy and amazing, others will believe so too.  If you start loving yourself for who you ARE and not for what others think you should be and demand that love from others, everyone (who matters) will love you for who you ARE as well. If you respect yourself and demand that same respect from others, you will be respected. You are only as worthy as you believe you are. If you don’t hold yourself in a high regard, others won’t either.

So, go find a mirror right now. Look at yourself…smile…fall in love with YOU all over again. Talk to yourself- out loud- telling yourself all the amazing things about who you are, what you stand for, and why you ARE worthy of your love and the love of others. Say “I love you” as you look into your eyes. Focus on the positives and let go of all the negatives. And, don’t just do it this time; do it every time you see your beautiful self. You are beautiful, and, when you believe that, others will believe that as well!

Love yourself! Respect yourself! Why wouldn’t you?! You are worthy. You are beautiful. You are everything you believe yourself to be!!! Honestly, at the end of the day, you don’t owe anyone anything, but you owe yourself EVERYTHING! <3

Wide Open Spaces

Today I am on my way to Albuquerque, New Mexico to visit my best friend Cameron. I stopped at Starbucks to grab some coffee, and while I am here, I decided to blog about my drive down thus far. So, here I go....
I left Denver this morning around 10:00. While driving through the wide open spaces of southern Colorado and northern New Mexico with no radio and a dead cell phone, I had a lot of time to think without distraction.  As I scanned my eyes across God's beautiful creations, I thought a lot about life, the choices I make on a daily basis, and the unlimited possibilities that are right in front of me. 

It's so easy to get caught up in the craziness of life. We have everything right at our fingertips: buildings, houses, coffee shops, malls, streets, cars, the Internet, food, etc. It's like we are on auto-pilot, going through the motions of life without giving much thought to our every day routines. We are so busy working and being the persons that society expects us to be that we forget to really live, to really experience life and all that this beautiful world has to offer us.  Up until about two years ago, I used to go through the motions, doing the same thing day in and day out. Unfortunately sometimes I still do.  More times than not now, though, I take the time to enjoy life, really focus on big decisions before they are made, and don't follow the norms of every day life.  I make a conscious effort to change up my routine; geez, for the most part, I haven't had a stable "routine" since December of last year.
When I made the decision to move out to Colorado at the end of June, I unofficially dedicated the song "Wide Open Spaces" by the Dixie Chicks to myself and now think of it as my theme song. Driving through those wide open spaces this morning reaffirmed the fact that those spaces out West was, and still is, exactly what I needed. I needed space to make mistakes, meet new people, live out my dreams, and pass the tests of life.  I needed to leave home, to leave everything that was comfortable and "stable" to really discover what life holds for me. I needed to change things up, live my life for myself, and learn through new experiences. Since then, I have grown so much. I enjoy each and every day that I am given. I try new things every chance I get. I go new places and put myself in different environments. Each day I talk to new people and make new connections. I embrace these wide open spaces with wide open arms, never regretting anything and only learning from the falls along the way.

On a side note about the song:
I am pretty sure this song WAS written about me and my mom. At the very end of the last verse, the lyrics are "As her folks drive away, her dad yells 'Check the oil!' Mom stares out the window and says, 'I'm leaving my girl.' It didn't seem like that long ago when she stood there and let her own folks know she needed wide open spaces." Colorado, Ireland...what's the difference. Yep, I get it honestly. :)

"Sunflower Moments"

Last week while driving through Kansas I passed a huge field of sunflowers. Their stems were standing straight and tall, almost proud-like, but their heads were slumped forward, fallen because their season had come to an end. It was a sad sight.  While looking across this field of gloomy, drooped sunflowers, all I could think about were the people that I know or have known in the past whose heads are always down and have been overcome with sadness.

We’ve all had these “sunflower moments.” The moments when we think life couldn’t get any harder. The moments when we feel like we don’t have any strength left to lift up our heads, get out of bed, or see the good things that are right in front of us.  It’s what we do with these moments that truly matter.

Most of us eventually focus on the positives: seeing disappointments, obstacles, and heartache as growth and lessons learned. But what about those who don’t see life’s struggles as building blocks for the future? Those lonely, sad sunflowers going through life with their heads down, just waiting for the next season because maybe, just maybe,  it will make them feel (temporarily) better. But just like before, that season passes too, and their heads once again fall forward.

If you are that sad sunflower today, lift up your head. Life is great! Embrace the heartache, troubled times, loss, disappointment, depression-- whatever it may be that is forcing your head to droop-- and focus on the good, no the GREAT, that will come from it! Believe me, I know it’s easier said than done; I’ve had plenty of my own “sunflower moments,” but my happy-head-lifted-high moments are sooo much better!

Smile. Laugh. Treat yourself to something that makes you happy, whatever that may be. Today is a new day. Make it what you want—make it the best day ever! You are in control of your destiny. If you want to continue to be stuck in those “sunflower moments” for a little bit longer, choose that. But why not choose to lift your head up now instead of waiting for tomorrow, for next season, or for whatever it is on which you are waiting?

I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You...

I have exerted way too much energy to not finding love, not trusting others, and not trusting myself. I am tired of focusing on what I don’t want. I know what I want, so I am going to focus on the "WANT,” not on the “don’t want.”  Last night I spent some quiet time reflecting and manifesting true, real, magical love. While doing this, I located on Pandora a station of Love Songs. This morning as I was making coffee, listening to this station, and manifesting this magical, empowering, true love, I heard it! I heard the song that will be the center of this manifestation. It is Savage Garden’s “I Knew I Loved You."

Before leaving for Colorado my mom and I had a discussion about the future of my love life. Her exact words to me were: “I know he is out there, Erin. You just haven’t met him yet.” At the time I wasn’t too sure about that. A huge part of me was convinced that I had met him, and I was preparing myself to seek out that love affair. Now more than ever, I am convinced that I haven’t met him, yet I feel him stronger than I have ever felt anything. I know he is out there: this magnificent stranger searching for me, wanting to love me the way I want to be loved. I feel love that I haven’t felt in a long time. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s too powerful to disregard as nothing. I am in love with an incredible man, and he is the missing piece that I am searching for; I just have to find him. From this moment on, I am focusing my energy and being to finding this great love that is out there waiting for me.  And, it will be the most magical, captivating, strong, undying love ever known. <3

It's different this time, and I'm excited!!!

It's different this time...

Until recently I believed that all of my moves over the past year and a half have shared the same common denominator: I was running away from something. I've spent a lot of time lately reflecting on this, and during this time of reflection, my perception of these moves has changed. Before, all of that moving was based on getting away: away from hurtful memories, failed relationships, broken hearts, unfaithful friends...away from failing. My focus was on all of the things that I couldn't handle or control (or didn't believe I could handle and control)- the "failures," the obstacles that hurt me, the negative things that were happening in my life. I lived in fear that these things would ultimately break me, so I would leave before I broke. While focusing on these negatives and by moving away from them rather than embracing them and learning/growing from them, I was constantly setting myself up for disappointment and disaster. 

When I change my focus and perception of these moves and why I moved, it becomes clear that many successes have come from them (and continue to come from them). All of the moves (and falls that come with them) HAVE made me stronger and more determined to keep moving forward and achieve a life of ultimate success, love, and happiness. I still struggle sometimes to stay focused on the positives and the growth, but I am at least aware of it and can take those steps needed to make the best out of it all.

This move to Colorado IS different. I didn't move here to get away; I moved here to get ahead- to move towards a life of greatness and success. I moved here to turn my dreams into reality
(which I am doing), to learn and to grow. I moved here to move onward... to happiness, success, love, powerful & stronger relationships- toward the life of greatness that I deserve and will ultimately achieve. I am taking all of the life lessons that I have learned (and continue to learn) along the way, and I'm creating my reality. I am embracing the "failures" that will happen and will only succeed because of them. :)

Gimme a Break, Gimme a Break...

Fifty-six days, and not a day has gone by that someone has not asked me: "Why did you move out here? Why Colorado?" The default answer has been: "Just because. I just packed up my two-door Honda and drove out here." The usual responses are "Wow! That's awesome!" and "You are so brave!" Ok, so I guess I am "brave," and it is awesome that I am out here. However, there is so much more to it, and the longer I am here, the more I am understanding that.  Last night it came to me... I moved to Colorado for a break.

It all started last fall. I was stuck in THE job from hell. I was so unhappy with life. In December I quit because I just couldn't do it any longer.  From there I decided to move across the country. Since then I have literally bounced from place to place never finding the "right" spot for me. Finally in June I decided that I would soon make a permanent move to Colorado. I needed to get away. Most of my friends in the south are married and/or have children. Many of them have careers and are happy (or at least they pretend to be) with the way their lives are playing out. They have houses, cars, things that are theirs. They are content.

So, when I really think about it, I needed a break from all of that "normalness."  At this point in my life, I am on a whole different level than almost everyone I know (not saying that's a good or a bad thing). I love my family and my friends more than I can express in words, so I didn't need a "break" from them. I needed a break from the day in, day out routine; I needed a break from the "norm" that our society has created; I needed a break from "bad" friends and unloyal acquiantances; I needed a break from an unappreciative job; I needed a break from the judgmental south that is full of ignorance and racism; I needed a break from all the "perfect" couples; I needed a break from all of the mommies and babies (not because I don't LOVE them, but because that's the one thing I want more than anything, and it's hard to be around when it's not happening to me); I needed a break from the "responsible-always-make-the-right-decisions Erin;" I needed a break from life, and by that I mean I needed to start living MY life.

It's been almost nine weeks, and I am still trying to find my place in this big ole world of ours. There have been many life lessons in this short amount of time, and I am grateful for each and every one of them.  I've laughed, cried, loved, lost, but above all, I have gained. I have gained strength, confidence, friendship, knowledge, and lessons that I will forever carry with me.

That girl is gone, gone, gone..

Let's face it. I keep making the same mistake over and over again. I keep attracting "that" guy... The one whose potential I can see, but not the one who lives up to it. The one who is not only dishonest with me but is also dishonest with himself. The one that, no matter what, chooses to settle for less than ultimate greatness.

I am finally conscious of why I keep doing this. (Although a great lesson) I was taught "to see the good in everyone." My mom always quoted her mom by saying: "There's good in everyone, but sometimes you have to look harder in some than others." Truly believing there is good in everyone, I do take the time and put forth the energy to find it. Oh, and when I do find it, is it good!!! I think that's why I have such a passion to work with at-risk adolescents. Although many people would argue that the early teenage years are the worst, I LOVE them! Even moreso, the "at-risk" ones, you know the ones that almost no one can get through to or even take the time to try, are my ultimate favorites! Once I find the good in them (yeah, sometimes it can take a minute!) it's AMAZING!!!

I do this in relationships too. I guess part of me (the naive part) thinks I can "save" them: help them see their potential, see how amazing they are, and help them to live up to it and become the greatest version of themselves. No matter how much I give, the example I set, or the words that I say, it doesn't work. I've failed each time. In my opinion there's nothing worse than seeing the potential in an amazing person and not being able to do anything about it. I just go on reflecting on the "What If's" and the "What else could I do's."

Not anymore.

That girl is gone. Gone. I cannot put any more energy into other people's potential. From this point forward, all that energy is directed towards me. I have just as much potential as anyone else, and I am now conscious of the fact that I am not fully living up to it. Yeah, even on a bad day I am above-average. Even still I am not the greatest version of me. Not yet anyway..

In Febraury I was asked, "On a scale of 1 to 10, overall how do you rank yourself?" Regardless of how I was feeling or the life changes I was experiencing (that was a tough month for me!), I confidently and honestly replied, "A ten!" Yep, that's right. I WAS A TEN, and I knew it. The response was, "Why not a 15?" Hmmm... Why not a 15? I had a lot of growing to do at that point.

Since then I have grown tremendously, and I am still growing. It's August, and I am still not at a 15, but I'm getting there. Right now I'd consider myself a 12.5. I know there is much for me to do and for me to learn to get to that 15, to that greatest version of me. First of all I need to focus on me and only me. I need to cut that emotional cord from a past relationship that unfortunately is still there. Also. I need to tear down those "walls" that I've built up around my heart. I need to not look at failures as failing but as growing. After all, if it wasn't for all of those "falls," I would not be the 12.5 that I am today. Most of all, I need to trust myself to make the right choices while being conscious of those choices.

So today, right now, I am making a conscious decision to let that scared, untrusting, "life saver" go. That girl is gone. Here's to a new, improved, better-than-ever Erin. An Erin that loves herself, sees HER greatest potential, and won't stop until she reaches it and becomes the greatest version of herself. It'll happen; it's inevitable.

A Serious Blog on Life and Death...

Today in Mt. Juliet, Tennessee another set of parents bury a son. A son who attended Gladeville Elementary School; a son who played football; a son who had blond hair and the best smile around; a son who was only 28 years old.


I haven't seen much less talked to Trent in probably twelve years. After elementary school we hung out with different groups of friends and just went our separate ways. But, regardless of how much time has past, this day is not any less sad. When I think back to the days when Trent and I were friends, I remember him, Coche, Clint, Dustin, and Josh on the playground playing kickball. I remember long afternoon talks to the phone with him. I even remember that his name was scribbled on numerous pages of my diary because I thought he was sooo cute.


The MJHS c/o 2002 has seen many lives lost. If I'm not mistaken, Trent is the sixth classmate to whom we've had to say goodbye. The classes of '01 and '03 have lost several dear friends as well. From Gary to Sarah to Trent and the others in between, we have not forgotten. Each and every day they are greatly missed by their families, friends, and acquaintances. Their memories continue to live on.  It's hard to imagine that these lives had to come to an end. That the plan for their beings were for them to leave this earth at such a young age. I know we shouldn't question life and why things happen the way they do, but that's easier said than done in times like these. No one ever said tomorrow is promised to be here, but we still take it for granted. We just expect to see our friends and family the next day. We expect things to be the way they always are and for things to never change.


So today, tell those that you love and hold dear to your heart how you feel. Hug their necks if they are nearby. Give them a call to say hi. Laugh with them. Remember the good times. Make more memories. Take pictures. Cherish the time that you do have because you never know when that is the last time.
This blog is dedicated to all of my family, friends, acquaintances, and blog-followers-- Thank you for being someone special in my life. I feel extremely honored to be surrounded by such amazing people!! My life becomes richer each and every day because of the people I meet and build relationships with. I have loved. I have been loved. I have seen and experienced things that people only dream about. I am truly blessed. So, if I don't see tomorrow, I hope you all know how much I care about you. Thank you for the lessons learned and the memories created. I love you and will always cherish the times we've shared together.


xoxoxoxo




"People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. "

The List: Top 50 Things

In February I was challenged to come up with an extremely detailed list of EVERYTHING I had to have in a guy. This was the most detailed list ever. I included things from "he has to be a man" to "he can't drive a mini-van," to "brown eyes," to "he will not put little cling-on family people on his car." I believe I was well over 220 specific items. No joke.  Since then my "criteria" has changed a little. Although there are extra things that I desire, I have narrowed "The List" to the Top 50 Things! So, for all you girls out there who are not exactly sure what YOU want, I am going to share my list with you. I will also include "The Extras" as an added bonus. (P.S.- This list is not necessarily in any specific order.)

The List: Top 50 Things
1. Honest with himself, with me, and with others
2. Trustworthy
3. Faithful
4. Kind-hearted
5. Self-aware and confident
6. Has a sense of humor/ is funny
7. Has a huge personality
8. Goal-oriented
9. Is on the same level as me (I'm well on my way to being a 15 on a 10-point scale)
10. Communicative
11. Loves to travel
12. Has strong morals and values
13. Has that "spark" with me
14. I have that "spark" with him
15. Loving (and truly loves me!)
16. Won't settle for less than greatness
17. Emotionally, mentally, and physically available
18. Takes care of himself/ healthy
19. Is not controlling but is an equal
20. Independent
21. Has a great family and has a good relationship with them
22. Someone that my family loves and who loves my family
23. Someone who wants me just as much as I want him
24. Loves life and lives it to the fullest
25. Doesn't work life away, but has a strong work ethic and is a hard worker
26. (Actively) sexually satisfying to me....sorry mom
27. I'm (actively) sexually satistying to him.....again, sorry mom
28. Has a love for children
29. Wants to have children (preferrably three)
30. Will be an excellent father (always loving, supportive, present, active, encouraging, etc.)
31. Outgoing and friendly
32. Adventurous
33. Encourages me to be the greatest version of me
34. I encourage him to be the greatest version of himself
35. Spiritual/ Believes in God
36. Respectful of himself, of me, and of others
37. Learns and grows from his "mistakes" and "falls" (doesn't see falling as failing)
38. Is manly, but is in touch with and comfortable with his feminine energy
39. Loves music, movies, the arts, reading
40. Well-cultured/ open-minded
41. Has a love for knowledge/ learning
42. Loves and enjoys sports/ the outdoors
43. Supports himself financially and will support his family
44. Caring of the environment and those around him
45. Has friends: loves them and loves my friends
46. Conscious of his words, actions, feelings, and thoughts
47. Positively challenges me and our relationship
48. Committed to having a magical, amazing, undying relationship with me
49. Knows WHO he is and stands true to himself
50. Confident enough in himself to be comfortable with a strong, independent, confident woman with high masculine energy but who can also be extremely vunerable and feminine at times


Ok, and here is "The Extras." Please be aware that this list is constantly changing. Let's just call it a work-in-progress.

The List: The Extras
1. Caucasian (preferrably Western European-American, but 100%-Italians are welcome)
2. Male
3. Straight
4. Tall (6'0 +)
5. Great straight, white (all of his) teeth (This should be item #51 on The List)
6. Brushes his teeth at least twice a day
7. Flosses daily
8. Good all-around hygiene...clean!
9. Attractive!!!
10. Is a runner or works out
11. Doesn't (and never will) drive a mini-van
12. Enjoys to chill and drink a beer (or a case of beer)
13. Between the ages of 25-40
14. Has a paying job (and keeps it)
15. Is not in jail and won't be going to jail
16. Doesn't smell
17. Doesn't have bad breath
18. Gives out compliments and buys me flowers just because!
19. Thinks my jokes are funny (because they are...)
20. Tolerates (and enjoys) my loud, beautiful singing no matter where we are, who is around, or what we are doing
21. Will not put little cling-on family people on his car
22. Doesn't smoke cigerettes or chew tobacco (ewww...)
23. Loves goats
24. Loves dogs
25. Doesn't want cats, ever
26. Respects the fact that I only eat five meats and that I won't eat babies (animals that is)

A Shout-Out to the Breakups

I'm halfway through It's a BreakUP Not a Breakdown by Lisa Steadman. On page 101 she talks about "Life Lessons for the Savvy Single." She poses the thought:

"Think about what you'd miss out on if you never went through a breakup-- that is, what you life would be like if you were still in a relationship with your first boyfriend. Think about all the lessons you never would have learned without going through that first breakup (and all the ones that followed)."

Wow! When I really sit here and think about it, I have done SOOO much since my first big breakup (and even more since the others). Wow. Maybe I should write thank-you notes to all the guys who let me go because they were truly doing me a huge favor by allowing me the freedom to be fabulous and experience all of these amazing things!!!

Had it not been for my big breakup in 2009, I would have never met some of my most awesome friends in Georgia that I hold dear to my heart (especially JJ Maner, Sandy and Joel Cantu, and Jody Holtzclaw!!!). I would have never went to Europe (well, at least not Erin-style) last summer and experienced all the amazing, once-in-a-lifetime things that I had the pleasure of doing. I would have never moved to Portland, Oregon or Denver, Colorado. I would have never met those amazing people in Portland or Jillian Dorscheimer!!! I would have missed out on sooo much that was in my face, just waiting for me to notice. 
Honestly, I would still be at Bonaire Middle School in Warner Robins, Georgia. I would still have "bad" friends who did not encourage me to grow and be my greatest me. I would still be telling myself that I "am happy," well aware that I wasn truly unhappy. Shoot, I definitely wouldn't be half as happy as I am now. I would still be going through the motions and always wondering what more was out there and wishing I could experience more of life.

On top of that, if I didn't experience the 2nd big breakup at the beginning of this year, I would have never fully understood how fabulous I am. I would have continued settling and letting myself be held back for less than I deserve. Because of that breakup I grew (and continue to grow) as a person. So many great life-lessons have been learned and are continuing to teach me. I have watched my self-confidence shoot up, and my understanding of people and why they choose to do the things they choose to do has grown immensely. I know now that I can do anything, and everything is possible. More than anything, my understanding of myself, what I want, and what I need is so apparent to me now.

Now, thanks to the big breakups, I have to wonder no longer. I am free to explore, experience, and live life to the fullest with nothing or no one to hold me back. I have a much better understanding of what I DO want and need out of life (and out of a man). And, until I find exactly what I am looking for, I am going to continue to have the time of my life, reach for and watch all of my dreams come true, and regret nothing along the way...all while being the fabulous, greatest version of ME. :)

Who Knew I Needed to be More Specific!!?!

A few weeks ago a friend and I "white-boarded" (wrote out a "wish list" on a white-board) everything I wanted/desired in a job. A few days later I received an email from a non-profit organization in Denver. I set up a phone interview with them and then had two further face-to-face interviews for this position. This was THE job that we had white-boarded!!! It had everything that I was desiring, and I was 100% confident that I would get hired.
This past Friday I found out that I did not get the "dream job" that I so confidently thought I had landed. I was crushed. It was THE white-board job; I could not have designed a more perfect, well-suited job for myself. So, after a long day of sadness and tears followed by a late night junk food binge and even more tears, I was determined to make the best out of the situation and reminded myself that everything happens for a reason and what's meant to be will be.
Fast-forward to tonight. When I got off of work, I noticed that I had two missed calls and a voicemail from a 478 area-code. Guess what!!?!??! I had left one HUGE, monumental detail off of my white-board dream job list. "Located in Colorado" never even crossed my mind while brainstorming the list. And, that 478 area-code isn't even close to Colorado. Instead, it's about 2,000 miles southeast in a little town called Warner Robins, GA.
Yep, that voicemail was from my previous principal who runs the BEST middle school with the BEST students and teachers (well, with the exception of one) around!!! My old principal was calling to possibly offer me a position at Bonaire Middle School. WOW!!!
If you aren't familiar with Georgia State Schools, you may not understand. Houston County is THE place that teachers want to teach. Teachers would literally kill (yeah, I even thought about it this past spring... Sorry Terri!!!) to get into and some wait years for a position to
open up. On top of that, Bonaire Middle School is by far the best in the county when it comes to academics and athletics. And, you know how competitive I am!! I'm sure there's several teachers around the area who are extremely interested in this potential position. And now I'm 2,000 miles away, and they want ME. Geeeez... Nothing like making this life even more difficult on a girl right now.
So, now I have a HUGE decision to make. I love Colorado; I don't want to leave. (Most of) the people are great. I'm making friends, and I feel like I'm getting, yet again, another fresh start to life. But...
This is an ideal job. It, too, is the job that I had white-boarded. I have a ton of amazing people there who truly love and care about me. My favorite students/ players and their parents are there. Telisa, Jody, Joel, Sandy, and several others are there. It's only five hours away from my family. It's a job that people would kill for.
Honestly, if she would have offered me this position in April, I would have never made it to Colorado. But now everything has changed. I've made so much personal progress and have become a better, stronger person because of this move. If I go back to Georgia, it would feel like I'm taking a giant step backwards, not forwards. I know that I have so much ahead of me, and I don't want to lose any ground now. I wouldn't be growing as an individual, and that is something that is very important to me. However, this is my dream job. I love working there, and I miss the job, (most of) the people, and the kids sooooo much.
All I can do is pray about this before I make a decision. I don't want to discount this because it IS an amazing offer, and I love and miss everything there. I know I ultimately have to do what makes ME the happiest; I'm just not 100% sure I know what that is right now.

To my very own "Boo-Hoo Crew"

I'm reading a book by Lisa Steadman called "It's a BreakUP, Not a Breakdown: Get Over the Big One and Change Your Life-- for good!" Even though I experienced what I consider "The Big One" over five months ago (yeah, that's right), I have experienced other breakups before and since then. Although I felt like I did what needed to be done to move on and be ready for love and future relationships, I am second-guessing that and am starting over at that once again... Hence the latest read.

Anyway, throughout her book Steadman mentions her "Boo-Hoo Crew," the ones who got her through her tough breakups, and how supportive they were (and still are). She defines this crew as "...a crack team of fabulous female friends. Part cheerleader, part therapist, [they] should be reliable, patient, and consist of at least three girlfriends for round-the-clock supervision and support" (40).

This has inspired me to think about all the amazing people who have stood by and supported me through my breakups. Although there has been several people who have been supportive and positive during my times of sorrow, there are seven of you who have gone (and continue to go) above and beyond. So this blog is dedicated to you, my personal "Boo-Hoo Crew!" Here we go...

Mom Thank you for always supporting my decisions, whether you agree with them or not. I know that I can always count on you to be my biggest fan and be at the "finish line" regardless of if I win or not. Your strength has made me stronger; your example has been the guiding light for me during each and every breakup. You are the strongest woman I know, and I am proud to have had you (and still have you) to guide and direct me in life. I love you!

Meghan You have seen me through every breakup I have ever had (beginning with little Davey Elliott in Kindergarten..LOL). You've been tough yet gentle with me. You've stood by me and, have not only been my sister, but have been my best friend through them all. You've been the easiest one in the family to tell when things don't go my way because I know that my happiness is first and foremost the most important thing to you, and you understand as only a sister can. I love you.

Kendra Oh Kendra, thank you for all the late-night talks when I knew no one else would be awake. Although you are family, I know that you have a different, less biased outlook on things, and I appreciate that. You are real with me, yet kind and comforting when others tend to get upset and sometimes are even harsh. Thanks for being the "middle-man" between my brother (aka: my most difficult, yet most loving ally) and me. I know he means well, but you soften the blow for both of us. I love you.

Cameron First of all, let me apologize for grouping you as a "fabulous female friend!" However, you have played (and keep playing) a vital role in the three most difficult relationship breakups that I have experienced. Although you have always been on my side, you have given me that "guy perspective" and helped me see things from the other side. I know that no matter what you will always answer your phone and let me cry until I have no tears left to shed. You are always optimistic about my future and reassure me that I am awesome and only deserve the best. I love you.

Kristi Thank you for being my best friend for twenty years. You always help me see the "big picture" and keep me focused on God and His plan for my life.  You always reassure me that He will not give me more than I can handle. You have seen me through all of my adult breakups and have stood by me no matter what. You always listen to me and are always optimistic in my choices and life moves, regardless how drastic they have been. I love you.

Bridget I could not have gotten through and moved on like I did after Michael if it wasn't for your love and support. Although the four of us were best friends, you stood by ME and were (and still are) 100% faithful. When I moved to Portland and then to Denver, you were cheering me on every step of the way, even though I know it was hard for you to see another loved one move away. You have always believed that I am strong enough to make the right decisions, even when I wasn't as confident in myself. I love you.

Katey You have been a great listener over the past two breakups. You are the only one who knows exactly what it is like to be a 20-something female divorcee. I know that when I talk to you about trust, the walls around my heart, and the oh-so-fun "dating game", you can truly relate, and you always know what to say to make me feel better. I appreciate you for the fact that you constantly check in on me, and I know that you are always there when I need a friend. I love you.

To all the others who have held me when I cried, listened to my angry rants, and have encouraged me to be strong and postive, thank you. Thank you for all of your love, support, words of encouragement, and for all of the prayers. I am not sure if you realize how much it all means to me, so let me tell you now. It all means the world to me, and I appreciate each and every one of you. I am so lucky to have such amazing people in my life, and I thank God every day for blessing me with all of you. My life really is awesome because of the awesome people in it. I love you all. <3

Steadman, Lisa. It's A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life - for good! Avon, Massachusetts: Polka Dot Press, 2007.