A Child's Smile

As humans we teach ourselves to smile no matter what. If we are happy, a smile is automatic. If we are upset, most of us smile anyway to avoid the inevitable question of "What's wrong?" It's just how it works. More times than not, it is easier to fake a smile than it is to explain what's wrong to everyone who asks.
 

A couple of nights ago while the band was entertaining the crowd with a well-known country song, I watched on as a young boy was given a guitar pick while he patiently listened to the band at a local touristy bar that surely his parents forced him to go to because they aren't in Nashville every day. As he was handed the pick and eagerly asked from the player on stage to stroke the guitar a few times, his face lit up. It was real. Genuine. Amazing. Pure.

I continued to watch on as his glowing, smiling face stared at the stage in ubber excitement, the pick never leaving the death grip of his little fingers. In that moment I was reminded of how much a smile really means. No matter how stressful life is, how upset one is, or whatever else is going on in one's life, a true smile doesn't lie. Sometimes I look back at pictures of myself and think: "Dang, Erin. That smile wasn't real. It was forced, fake, and sad." Other times I see a smile upon my face that couldn't be pretended no matter how hard I tried. It's real, exciting, and full of happiness and love. That's how a smile should be, every time, regardless of whatever is going on around us.

Emotions: They come so naturally to children. When kids are happy, they smile. When they are sad, they cry. As a person grows and matures, he trains himself to be tough and disguise emotions in ways that are more socially acceptable. Smiles change meaning and real emotions subconsciously get buried inside. It doesn’t have to be this way though. Patterns are never too far gone that they cannot be rewritten. One's smile can mean the same at adulthood as it once did during childhood. We just have to remember the real meaning behind the emotion, and then it will be effortless.

KDR: My Favorite Love Story

love [luhv] noun: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person

Sometimes I wonder what exactly was going through my parents’ minds as they ventured out on their very first date in October 1981. Did they have any idea that for (at least) the next thirty-one years they would never love another and would be forever connected in a way that is only found in a Hollywood romance movie? Did my father know that this was the woman he would marry, care for, support, and love each day for the rest of his life? Did my mother know that this man would be the father of her children, the best friend she could have ever imagined, and the forever love that she never knew was out there waiting on her?

All I know is that whatever happened that night would be the start of one of the greatest love stories ever told. Something had to have gone correctly because after two more months, my dad slipped a ring on my mom’s finger and asked her to marry him. A few short weeks later, they would be forever known as “Mr. and Mrs. Kevin and Debby Ritter.”  And for the past twenty-nine years I have been fortunate enough to have that incredible love story unravel right in front of me.

As a child I thought everyone’s parents acted as mine did: hugs and kisses each morning and night, respect and honor reflecting in the other’s eyes as they exchanged glances across the dinner table, holding hands on the couch after a long day’s work, little jokes and laughter radiating off the walls of their sweet home, and the never-ending admiration they shared for one another on a daily basis. The older I got, the more unique I found their love to be. Rarely have I witnessed another couple quite like my parents. Now that I am an adult and have been involved in my own love relationships, it is even more evident how true my parents’ relationship is, has been, and forever will be. I am so blessed to have this constant reminder of what “true love” really is about and to feel the love between this man and this woman pour down on and surround me every second of my existence.

Not only is the love between my mother and my father alone strong, the love that they together give to their family is that much stronger. In everything they did and continue to do, my brother, sister, and I are taught love. We feel it, unconditionally, and in return, we recognize love for what it truly is and return that love to those in our lives. We willingly receive it and, even more so, we unselfishly and generously give love to all those around us.  We could have never asked for a better example of love, respect, and dedication than that of what we received from watching our parents. Not only are we better people because of the love that was showered onto us, but the world is that much better of a place all because two people fell in love and worked every day to ensure that love was everlasting.

Happy Anniversary, mom and dad! I am so grateful for the example that you have set for me and the love that you have given to me.  You will forever be my favorite love story.

 

Timing Really Is Everything

On October 6, 2011 I wrote a draft titled "Nightly Love Affair." For some reason I never finished or published the draft. I found it today as I was shuffling through my blogs and reflecting on the past (almost) twenty-nine years of life and love that has been my existence on this earth. Here it is:

"In a recent blog I wrote about manifesting true love and finally feeling the love in my heart that I’ve always dreamed about. Since then I have consciously thought about the love of my life and, at times, I’ve even felt “him.”My heart is open and ready for the man I have always dreamed about. It is so empowering to know that I am finally in total control of my heart, and that it is healed and ready to love again.
Each night, I dedicate my time before bed to “him” before I say my prayers and drift off to sleep. This past Tuesday was no exception. I spent some alone time mediating and manifesting this true love that I so desperately seek. Like I usually do, I listened to the love song station on Pandora, lit some candles, and turned down the lights. I shut my eyes and just listened to the music, imaging the words being sung by my dream man. And once again, I felt “him,” and my heart started to race. Before I knew it, a huge smile had crept onto my face.
I am not sure when I will find “him,” but I am sure that he’s out there! He’s near, and I can feel him!!! I will continue to seek him as he searches for me. It may be tomorrow; it may be a year from now… Who knows?! It could even be five years down the road. No matter how long it takes, I am so excited. Every day I wake up as excited as the last thinking maybe, just maybe, he will appear in front of me today. If he does, WOOOOHOOO!! If he doesn’t, then tomorrow I will wake up just as excited and eager as I did yesterday about this magical love that awaits me."

Oh how I remember those cold Denver, CO nights in late 2011 alone in my one-bedroom apartment. I would religiously think "him" into life. I would light candles, relax, listen to love songs, close my eyes, and spend minutes upon minutes in meditation and manifestation. I would literally feel love for a person that I had never met before. I had no idea who he was, when he would come to me, or how we would meet. I did, however, know in my heart that he was out there somewhere preparing himself for me as I was preparing myself for him. How exciting!!!


Now sixteen months later, after hundreds of days of preparation, a few lost love relationships, several obstacles, and thousands of lessons learned, I know that I have found him. The man that I have dreamt about. The man that was waiting at the end of the tunnel for me. The man that will love me like no man ever has or like no other ever will. The man that looks at me and knows that he is worthy of me while feeling lucky every second we spend together. The man who treats me like my father treats my mother. The man that God has designed for me and for only me.

It just so happened that I met him exactly when I needed to meet him. God knew that on that October night I was not ready. He knew that even a year later I wouldn't be quite ready. He had so much more to teach me, and I had a lot more growing up to do before I would be the woman ready to receive such love. Timing really is everything, and this love was definitely worth that wait.




 

Long Live and Stay Beautiful

You came into my life at the exact moment I needed you. For months the world revolved around two people thirsting for love, acceptance, healing, and confidence. The first thought as we opened our eyes in the morning to the last thing on our minds as we closed them at the end of each day. Distractions from things that were less than desirable and moments that were heartbreaking to say the least. You gave me hope that there are good men in the world: a man who loves with his whole heart and follows through on the words that he speaks. A godly man who trusts in the love that I am capable of and accepting of all that I could offer him. You gave me confidence when I wasn't strong enough to give it to myself and encouragement when I needed it the most. Through your voice on the phone, even at 1,200 miles away, hope was instilled in me that I could and would have the future for which I secretly longed. With you or with someone else, I would be happy. I would laugh. I would love. And most importantly, I would live the life that was designed for me by a God who knows me better than I know myself.

After seventy-six days of cross-country text messaging, late night phone calls, revealed secrets, a couple of close encounters that left us even more curious and engaged, the sharing of appropriate Taylor Swift song lyrics, and endless prayers for a hopeful love connection, we were finally united one warm May evening in Tennessee. Feelings of nervousness and anxiety filled the room as we tried to fathom the fact that we were finally together. At last. For so long that day was longed for, and it had finally arrived.

Now seven months later after one fantastic weekend, lots of tears, hopeful emotions quickly turned into lost dreams, and one heated late-night argument, I can sit here and be proud of how everything played out between us. I am so grateful that I had you exactly when I needed you: no more, no less. I am thankful for the words you said and didn't say. I am thankful for the connection we had while we were 1,200 miles away from one another that was void when we were finally face to face. I am thankful for the laughter through the phone that I can still hear as I think about our conversations that involved but weren't limited to our teeth history, Irish pub songs, the rescuing of bugs from your son, and childhood memories of Pebbles and growing up in small town Mt. Juliet.

Here's to you! May you have the life that you want and deserve. May you never settle for less than sparks that fly, enchanted encounters, amazing crafted beer, and lots of laughing. I hope you always remember those feelings that we shared through the distance between us and know in your heart that everything is meant to be exactly as it is. I hope you are always happy and, if you are ever not happy, I hope that you will remember the way back to that happiness. Remember those in your life who are real and trustworthy. Remember the lessons you have learned and the love you have received. Never take anything for granted and don't let others take all that you have to offer for granted. Above all, remember who you are as a man, a father, a friend, and a lover. Long live and stay beautiful. Forever.