Fifty-six days, and not a day has gone by that someone has not asked me: "Why did you move out here? Why Colorado?" The default answer has been: "Just because. I just packed up my two-door Honda and drove out here." The usual responses are "Wow! That's awesome!" and "You are so brave!" Ok, so I guess I am "brave," and it is awesome that I am out here. However, there is so much more to it, and the longer I am here, the more I am understanding that. Last night it came to me... I moved to Colorado for a break.
It all started last fall. I was stuck in THE job from hell. I was so unhappy with life. In December I quit because I just couldn't do it any longer. From there I decided to move across the country. Since then I have literally bounced from place to place never finding the "right" spot for me. Finally in June I decided that I would soon make a permanent move to Colorado. I needed to get away. Most of my friends in the south are married and/or have children. Many of them have careers and are happy (or at least they pretend to be) with the way their lives are playing out. They have houses, cars, things that are theirs. They are content.
So, when I really think about it, I needed a break from all of that "normalness." At this point in my life, I am on a whole different level than almost everyone I know (not saying that's a good or a bad thing). I love my family and my friends more than I can express in words, so I didn't need a "break" from them. I needed a break from the day in, day out routine; I needed a break from the "norm" that our society has created; I needed a break from "bad" friends and unloyal acquiantances; I needed a break from an unappreciative job; I needed a break from the judgmental south that is full of ignorance and racism; I needed a break from all the "perfect" couples; I needed a break from all of the mommies and babies (not because I don't LOVE them, but because that's the one thing I want more than anything, and it's hard to be around when it's not happening to me); I needed a break from the "responsible-always-make-the-right-decisions Erin;" I needed a break from life, and by that I mean I needed to start living MY life.
It's been almost nine weeks, and I am still trying to find my place in this big ole world of ours. There have been many life lessons in this short amount of time, and I am grateful for each and every one of them. I've laughed, cried, loved, lost, but above all, I have gained. I have gained strength, confidence, friendship, knowledge, and lessons that I will forever carry with me.
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