So much of my adult life has been spent doing things for others, putting on a happy face, and rolling with the good, bad, and especially the really bad. No matter how down and out I get, I almost automatically without thinking get right back up and make life better than it ever was before. Although I am proud of myself for how I have handled the hard times and obstacles that life has thrown my way, I am exhausted. I am tired of the pressure of ALWAYS being the happy, smiling girl who doesn’t let life get her down…ever. The truth is sometimes it does get me down, but then I immediately feel guilty because I tell myself that I “shouldn’t” feel sad or cry or want to sleep all day because that’s not how I handle things. So, I put on a happy face and bury what I am truly feeling because “it could be so much worse.” Like I have written about before, I tie myself up with a smile and pretend everything is perfect. No matter how hard it is for me to admit this, sometimes I need to be the one who is being picked up by others and crying on one’s shoulder.
I know that in a couple of days I will be back to my laughing, smiling, loving-love self, but for now I am tired. I want to curl up on the couch and hibernate for a few days. I want to eat a gallon of ice cream without feeling guilty and watch sappy movies. But above all else, I want to say goodbye to this year and begin a new, better chapter of my life. The good thing is that it can only go up from here, right?
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