The "Nice Guy" v. The "Bad Boy"

After a failed marriage, one serious relationship that my heart definitely wasn’t ready for, a lost best-friendship resulted from a silly summer romance, a dissolved quick-paced relationship that found me head-over-heels the moment I met him, and one mega crush on someone whom I desperately wanted in my life forever, I have so much to say when it comes to falling for the wrong guy. Sometimes I feel as though my heart could not ever again handle even the smallest break.  Each time I open up, let my walls down, and welcome someone even the slightest bit close to my heart, inevitably something goes terribly wrong. Even the one guy, the “nice, good guy,” who I thought could never do harm to my heart and to my spirit ended up causing me pain and caused me to start all over at square-one, the place I thought I had finally left behind forever.

The situation is almost always the same: One guy. Me. He chases me and presents himself as “the nice guy” who is “different from the other losers” (his words, not mine) that I’ve dated in the past. He always questions the ones who have let me go, calling them “crazy” and “unworthy,” among several other non-lady-like adjectives that I opt to leave up to your imagination. Understandably so, I am somewhat slow to trust and open up completely using every defense mechanism that I have created over the past few years to ensure my heart is protected this time...ha! He continues to pursue me somewhat patiently until I finally let my guard down and begin to trust him (silly, girl!), and almost simultaneously, he deuces. The common reasons for his departure: 1) He cannot trust me (that in essence means that he has trust issues that he has yet to deal with, he doesn’t trust himself, and/or the thought of my long list of guy friends is intimidating to him); 2) He says he is not ready for what he wants to have with me; 3) He really is the a-hole that he proclaimed he was on the first night we met; or 4) I hear the famous last words: “You deserve better.” Oh yeah, I always (insert sarcasm here) love that last one. It’s the nice-guy-way of saying that he is no longer interested. Nice, indeed.

I’ll be the first to admit that girls rarely give the so-called nice guy a second thought. We are, without a doubt, attracted to the bad-boy who is an adventure and an inevitably short-term heck of a good time that will ultimately leave us crying over lost hopes and dreams and with a heart that is broken into a million pieces. Although we know deep down that this will be the outcome, we can’t help but to wonder if this one is different and hope that he will one day see the potential in himself that we have seen in him since the very beginning of the foolish love affair. Silly, silly girls, we are. But what if we are actually smart when it comes to our choices in men? Maybe?!

Here’s my theory: The nice girl gets her heart broken by the nice guy, so she then decides to go after the bad boy because, although he will almost certainly leave her broken-hearted, she is somewhat prepared for what the future holds with him. If, in some miraculous way, he becomes a better man because of her and holds on to her forever, she wins. If he plays out to be the person she knows deep down that he is/could be, then she is left saddened and may even experience a broken heart, but she was somewhat expecting it, so she will use that stumbling block as a lesson learned and she will only be strengthened and more confident in herself and what she wants for her future. However, if she goes after the nice guy and he turns out to be just like the bad boys, then she is disheartened and will surely give up hope in all men. He was the “nice guy,” remember?  If the nice guy is the same as the bad boy, what’s the point? It’s as simple as that. Take it from me; it’s just easier that way. I have had my heart broken by both the nice guy and the bad boy.  At least with the bad boys, I wasn’t totally shocked and the time we spent together was extremely fun and super exciting. Just sayin’.

By the way, I hope I am wrong. Although I have a lot of research and outcomes to support my theory, I truly hope that someday it will be proven wrong. I would still like to hope that there are good, nice guys out there. I know a few (my dad, my brother, a couple of my friends), and hopefully one day I will know another.  Come and prove me wrong, but until then, I will be slow to trust and love.