I have come to the realization that the fastest and best way to find closure in a broken relationship (be it a love relationship, a friendship, etc.) is to write a letter to that person: a letter that they will never read. I do not write the letter for them; I write it for me. It gives me a chance to say everything I want to say as if they were sitting in front of me without the awkwardness and defensiveness that would inevitably come about. Most importantly, it leaves me with a feeling of completeness that I wouldn't necessarily get if I held it all in and didn't write it down. I started doing this in July when I moved to Colorado. I started by writing my ex-husband a letter. Next, I wrote one to the ex-best friend (whom I had yet to forgive at the time) and the ex-boyfriend who had recently broken my heart. Since then, I have written letters to another friend and another ex-boyfriend, each time learning more and more about myself and life through the trials and tribulations of that broken relationship. About a month ago I wrote my most recent closure letter. I've re-read it a few times since I put the words on paper, and every time I feel more and more confident about the choices and outcomes that came from the break-up. I have decided to share my most recent letter in this blog. Maybe, just maybe, it will help someone who is struggling with forgiveness and/or struggling with seeing the positive outcomes that can come from tough times and a broken heart.
Dear *****,
I needed to thank you for teaching me so much through our brief encounter. During those short couple of months with you, I finally realized that I can experience the "spark" while connecting on every other level with someone. Before I met you, I either had the "spark" and nothing else or I had several other elements that I desperately longed for, but the "spark" was missing. With you I felt it all. We had the "spark" that is so important (yet usually absent in my relationships); we could talk to each other about anything and everything; I felt vulnerable around you and never judged because of my past, my choices, and my mistakes; I could laugh and joke around with you all the while feeling safe and secure. Sometimes I even felt love. We shared a connection that I was starting to wonder was even possible.
Not only did you give me the confidence to know that I do deserve everything I long for, you also helped me discover that my heart is finally ready to love (truly, madly, and deeply love) again. My walls have come down, and I am ready to give my overly-protected heart away to the right man: a man who is truly deserving of my love, my devotion, and my heart. You will never be able to fathom how exciting this is for me!! For the longest time I questioned if any of this was even a possibility for me (the 28 year old, divorced woman who cannot seem to find her "place" in this world). But with your help, now I KNOW it's so much more than a "possibility;" it is my reality. It may not happen tomorrow or even next year, and I am okay with that. Just knowing that it can and will happen is enough for me right now. Thank you.
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