*My Wish*

Last year on April 22 I went to Tybee Island, Georgia by myself for a couple of days. My life was anything but normal at the time. I had already moved three times since January and had no idea what the next step was for me, my career, or anything for that matter. Quite possibly I had never felt more lost than I did at that very moment. I packed up my car with a cooler (with wheels because for some reason I thought they would roll on the sand and I could pack as much beer as I wanted…wrong!), my bikini, a towel, sunglasses, a blank journal and pen, and my broken heart and went on my way unsure of what I was hoping to discover or accomplish. I had so many questions running through my head, and I was desperate for some sort of direction and possibly even some “answers.”  Today I opened that completely filled journal, and on the first page written at the top are the words “Where to go from here…”

I remember that warm April day like it was yesterday. After the three hour drive to Tybee Island and pulling (because the wheels did not work on the sand!!) my over-stuffed cooler to an empty spot on the beach, I opened the blank journal and started writing. After scribbling “Where to go from here…” I proceeded to fill the next eight pages on that topic.  I spent the entire day at the beach writing, thinking, listening, and observing. On the pages to follow I wrote about teaching, love, relationships, settling down, “rules for the beach” (ß which are hilariously funny if I do say so myself), and most importantly “My Wish” for myself.

As I was lying there listening to Pandora Radio, lost in a moment with myself, Rascal Flatts' “My Wish” came on. I paid attention to the words in a way in which I had never done before. This is a song that has been important to me since 2007. (It was actually the “Bridal Party Dance” song at my wedding.)  I always thought of others and the happiness I wanted for them when I heard it. But that was not the case on this day. I listened to it with me in mind. When it was over, I YouTube’d it and listened to it over and over while reading the lyrics on the screen. Wow! Everything in this song is everything that I needed to hear for myself in that exact moment. Why hadn’t I ever thought of myself and my happiness while listening to those words before? I made a decision right then and there that I WOULD start living my life with those wishes for myself in mind.

Let’s fast-forward a year later. Lately I have been asking myself the same big question of “Where to go from here?” (What is it with me and April?! Geez.)  Obviously the circumstances are entirely different, but the question is still the same. Once again I find myself wondering what is next for me, and once again this song is oh-so refreshing. This time though my heart is completely healed, I understand what I want out of life, and I am completely confident that whatever decision I come to, it will be the right one for me and for the here-and-now.  Regardless of my past and my present, I know that my life “becomes all that [I] want it to be” and my “dreams [need to] stay big, and my worries stay small.” No matter what, I will live with no regrets and love myself throughout this crazy journey that I call my life.