Where do I sit at the reunion?

Earlier today I decided to continue my study of Eat, Pray, Love: a book that I have been dissecting for months now. I’ve read through it before and saw the movie, but I cannot put it down for too long. Every now and again, I will pick it up, start from the beginning, and flip back and forth through it searching for guidance, acceptance, and reassurance. I keep finding parallels of my life to that of Elizabeth Gilbert, sometimes on purpose but many times on accident. It’s so comforting to know that such a strong woman has experienced similar life challenges and has embraced life much like I have tried to over the past couple of years while continuing to be brave and courageous enough to share her thoughts, emotions, failed relationships, breakdowns, amazing experiences, world travel, and life lessons with her readers.

I opened the book to Part I, Chapter 30 because stuck between pages 92 and 93 was a boarding pass from when I traveled with Delta in April. Normally I would take out whatever “bookmark” I had previously used and start at page 1, but the first few lines of this specific chapter caught my eye and captured my attention. I continued to read the following paragraph:

I am so surprised sometimes to notice that my sister is a wife and a mother, and I am not. Somehow I always thought it would be the opposite… We grew up into different adults than anyone might have foretold when we were children.  It’s better this way though, I think. Against all predictions, we’ve each created lives that tally with us. Her solitary nature means she needs a family to keep her from loneliness; my gregarious nature means I will never have to worry about being alone, even when I am single… all I have to do is eat and read and pray and write (Gilbert 92).

Wow. Those words were exactly what I needed to read. Over the past couple of weeks (well, years really, but especially lately), I have been struggling with the fact that I am a 28 year old, single, childless female. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful that I have not yet brought a child into this crazy, nomadic life that I call my own.  There were times before this lifestyle took effect that I did want to have a child by now. Actually, that is one of the only things that has stayed consistent in my little book of “wants” throughout the years. With that being said, I know there was, is, and will be a greater plan for my life that may or may not involve children of my own, and after reading this paragraph today a calming sense of contentment fell upon me.  Of course I still want to be a mommy and hold a baby of my own, but I cannot and will not let that want define who I am, what I do, and how I choose to live my life.  I cannot happily go through life saddened by the thought that motherhood may not be in the cards for me. If it is, Hallelujah! Life is great! If it isn’t, I will continue on this journey and make the best of whatever the purpose of my existence may be.

Gilbert continues on through the chapter discussing the conventional woman of our society: the woman who “creates a family with her spouse… to find continuity and meaning in the American society” (94). She discusses the annual reunions of her family and how everyone has their “place”- a child, a teenager, a young married couple, a parent, a grandparent- “at every stage you know who you are, you know what your duty is and you know where to sit at the reunion” (94).  No matter what else in life that person does, she has followed the societal norms and knows her place and purpose in life. But what about those of us who voluntarily or involuntarily do not follow this conventional cycle of life? What then?

It’s tough. Three years ago I did not ask to be a 25 year old divorcee out on my own with hardly anything to show of my life. Since then I have willingly chosen most of the paths that I have taken, but not all of them have turned out the way I had intended. Would I change any of it if I could? Nope. I am completely satisfied with my decisions and overwhelmingly grateful for each and every experience I have had along the way. Are there things that I still long for? Of course there are. I do want to find the love of my life, have a baby, and learn and laugh every step of the way. If that doesn’t happen though, I will continue to learn and laugh every day no matter where I am, who I am with, or what I am doing. I will embrace whatever my destined plan is and will be madly in love with whatever life throws my way, be it children, world travel, or thirteen cats. Ok, well, not the cats. I will bring them to the animal shelter, but anything else is fine by me.

Like Gilbert says, “I may someday become The Family Flake. Or it may have already happened” (96). Regardless, I will be happy. And no matter what, I will love my sweet nieces and nephews more than any auntie ever has. Let the plan continue in whichever ways it was designed...

Gilbert, Elizabeth. Eat, Pray, Love. New York: Penguin Books, 2006. 90-96.