Fairy Tales and Hand-Me-Down Dreams

I have spent a lot of time this summer reflecting on fairy tales, happy endings (or lack thereof), and “dreams” that we (as parents, role models, a society, etc.) create for others while disregarding what they truly want for themselves. Who knows, they may even be unaware of what their true hearts’ desires are because of the picture-perfect painting of the future that we produce for them. I have questioned why we do this to our children, what the positives are that could possibly come from it, and how could it negatively influence one's life when her life doesn’t turn out like she has been taught it will. Most of all, I have wondered why in the first place we wouldn't just start with reality: the truth. Are we that cognizant that reality is not so glamorous and/or the most desirable that we disguise it with glitter, sparkle, and perfection in a desperate hope that our daughters’ (and sons') lives will- and must, and should, and possibly could- be that modern-day fairy tale? Is that fair? (Ok, ok, so maybe the lesson then becomes “Life isn’t fair.” Maybe. I don’t know. Regardless, that’s beside the point.)

As a little girl watching Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast, and all those other “happily ever after” movies, I dreamed that one day my Prince Charming would come along and carry me away on his white horse (or white Lexus, if you will). Not only did I dream it, I believed it, and then eventually expected it. Seriously! I was the girl who had her wedding and entire “happily ever after” future planned out by the age of five. It was flawlessly perfected and destined to be a true story by the age of seventeen. No joke. Yep, I was that little girl. And up until I was about twenty-five, I never thought any differently. Fast-forward from that five year old innocent child to the twenty-eight year old, realistic woman that I am today... Let’s just say a lot has changed.

Although I still want to believe that Walt Disney only had good intentions when he changed the original endings of fairy tales into the romantic, unrealistic garbage we submit our little girls to, I am 98% certain that the Brothers Grimm had it right all along. For instance: Along with the grandmother, Little Red Riding Hood does, in fact, get eaten by the wolf; After cutting off their feet to fit into the glass slipper, Cinderella’s evil step sisters get their eyes picked out by birds and are left forever blinded; and, as her punishment, the Queen in Snow White has to dance in heated iron shoes until she dies. Although there is good in each of these stories, there is also evil. But as children we aren’t taught this through Walt Disney’s versions, and we definitely aren’t subjected to the Brothers Grimm versions. Nope, we are only exposed to the endings where everyone lives happily ever after... no questions asked.

But why? That’s not real life. Not at all. So, after two and a half decades and a few broken (and self-mended) hearts, my opinion of these fairy tales has drastically changed. Finally I understand that life is about the good and the bad. Despite how badly you may want something, evil will sometimes prevail. Sometimes dreams are only dreams. Sometimes dreams are reality. Either way, life is what one makes it: not what is handed down to us, not 100% perfect and pure, and not designed to automatically make us live “happily ever after” without some effort on our part. Sure, we can play the part and pretend like we are five years old again, but what good does that do? Why not embrace reality and prepare our hearts and our lives to be happy just because we (independently) are and not because we are waiting on some man or our Fairy Godmother to make us feel that way? Maybe it’s about time to take responsibility for our own happiness and quit depending on others to do that for us. Own it. Wouldn’t it be more rewarding that way anyway? I say yes.

So does all of this mean that I am boycotting anything and everything “happily ever after”? Of course not!! I still love Walt Disney, his take on fairy tales, and his effort to create an imagination and a hopeful future in a child’s heart.  I will not ban my children from watching his fairy tales, and I will not judge you for doing the same. I will, however, teach my children about both sides of life. I will not disregard the possibility of evil, heart break, punishment, and the hard knocks that life may (and surely will) throw at them.  I will teach them that happiness is the most essential component to a successful life, but that happiness is inward and has to start with them, not with a make-believe Prince Charming and/or a white horse. More importantly, I will instill self-confidence in my daughter and make sure she is a strong, self-aware, capable woman who makes her dreams come true and uses the trials, falls, and heartbreaks that life throws at her only as a strengthening tool and not as a discouraging, weakening agent. Above all else, I will teach her that her “happily ever after” story is what she creates for herself, not what I, Walt Disney, or anyone else has created for her. She writes her own story, and if she chooses to end it with “happily ever after,” then she will succeed and forever have happiness in her heart and in her life. And if she doesn't, she will succeed and have whatever it is that her heart truly desires.

The End.