Buying Myself Flowers

I have spent some time this morning reflecting on how much influence we allow others to have on who we are as a person: on our happiness, our self-esteem, our confidence in any given circumstance, on our overall well-being and path in life. It makes perfectly good sense why we do it: we are trained to be motivated (positively and negatively) by external things. As children we are disciplined, praised, encouraged, made to feel certain ways in certain moments, and made to not feel certain ways other times- all by someone or something else. I'm certain that it all comes from good intentions as our parents and authority figures have the job of training us to become “productive members” in society.

Unfortunately many people do not realize that with time comes change; it’s evitable- change in ourselves, change in society, change in the progression of behavior- and our programs can be rewritten to best fit who we are at any given time and in any given environment. (It’s part of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Not familiar with NLP? Google it! It’s fascinating, and I have found that there is much truth in the theory). More importantly what many do not understand is that internal motivation/self-confidence should ultimately triumph over every obstacle/harmful person that one might face along life’s way.

With that being said, I will be the first to admit how hard that is to remember sometimes. I pride myself in having an overall high and healthy amount of confidence. I love who I am, where I’ve been, and the future of happiness that lies ahead of me. Yet, there are times when I allow someone or something to negatively affect that. It may be a comment, an action, or merely a tone of voice sent in my direction. Whatever it is that may take place, for a moment (and sometimes for quite a few moments), I allow that smidge of whatever- disrespect, negativity, disappointment, cruelty- make a ding in my self-esteem. Over time those little dings add up to a larger dent, and if I [subconsciously] allow them to, they eventually cause a wall to be built up, a little coldness to seep into my heart, and/or maybe a semi-permanent decrease in how I value who I am as a person.  

Yep, all because of something or someone else.

When I really narrow it down to the raw facts, it is sad. It’s sad that we give others so much credit and ownership of something in which we should be in control. One’s self-worth. The word “self” is defined as the evaluation by oneself of one's worth as an individual in distinction from one's interpersonal or social roles (http://www.merriam-webster.com/ dictionary/self-definition). Keyword: One. That’s it, just one. Número uno. So in all reality, it should only take the one person to change, affect, value, etc. the value of oneself. However, that is not generally the case.

Here’s where the change comes in. As individuals we must be the ones who change that mindset in ourselves and then change that mindset in the generations to come. I must be the one to change how I allow others to affect me. You must be the one to change how you allow others to affect you. Easy? Yes and no. The hard part will be just remembering and getting that to become the automatic response once we have reprogrammed our individual patterns in our brains. The easy (and fun!) part will be creating happiness for ourselves, and it all starts with feeling good about one’s self. It’s hard for me to believe that anyone on this planet would purposely choose to feel unhappy with who he or she is as a person. So, that really should be the easy part- choosing to be happy with who we are as an individual and holding that view higher than anyone else’s view of who we are.

First step for me today: I went and bought myself flowers. Flowers make me feel good. They are a symbol of love and appreciation, so it only made sense that I would give them to myself.

What will be your first step today in loving and appreciating who you are?