When It All Falls Into Place

Over the course of the past four years of trying to find myself, learn life lessons, recover and triumph over what seemed like a lifetime of obstacles and pain, healing a broken heart and then mending it from time to time, and finally learning to trust not only others but most importantly myself, the same sentence has been echoed in my head by my family and friends: Everything will fall into place.

The once optimistic turned realist (and at times: pessimistic) woman in me would secretly laugh and roll my eyes at this statement. Understandably, we all want life to work out exactly how we have envisioned it; believe me, I surely did. Unfortunately (ha!) for me, I had been burned so many times and exhausted my energy and emotions on everyone else to the point that I had come to believe that my chaotic life of moves and unstableness of chasing dreams would forever be the life I’d lead even if nothing ever quite “fell into place.” And I had come to accept that and be perfectly satisfied with that lifestyle. I was even semi-planning a three-month hiatus to a beach somewhere bringing along only a tent and bikini. (The optimistic in me had decided she could have a garden on the beach and eat whatever she could grow.)

But, just as easily as it turned chaotic and unstable, one day it did: everything just fell into place. I am still not really sure how it all happened. At this point it’s such a blur: a blur of happiness, laughter, love, and contentment. However it finally happened, it happened. That’s the point. Even for me- the untrusting-selfish-walls-built-up-and-never-coming-down-wandering-never-stopping-given-up-hope girl that I had turned into- it all just fell into place!

And still from time to time when I reflect on my past (mainly the past four years since almost everything before that has been repressed and consciously forgotten), I try to figure it all out. I try to label what was always unclear- the breakups, the lost friendships, the seven moves in six months, the nice guys to whom I would never give a second thought, the moments of uncontrollable tears, and the random meeting of strangers that would lead to fantastic nights of learning and laughing- and somehow it all makes perfect sense now. It all had to happen exactly like it did for this present life to be as fantastic and full of love and happiness as it is.

No what-ifs or regret are left in my heart. If even one thing had been different or sabotaged by my unwillingness, it may all be different now. Because I have grown and accepted who I am and where I come from and everything involved in that process, I am completely whole and happy. It all fell into place, and it is exactly how I needed it to be.