Happiness- it is a choice. At any given moment we can choose to be happy or get upset or hold a grudge or forgive. Oh, emotions. Oh, happiness. Being happy, staying happy... happy, happy, happy... it is easier said than done sometimes. Lately it has been much easier said than done for me. I know that I control my emotions and I know that I am the only one who will make me happy or will allow myself to feel unhappy. Yet, sometimes, it is difficult to decipher that through all of the life going on around me.
Instead it tends to be "easier" to depend on others-- pressure off of me and onto you-- fair, no, but easier in the moment, yes. I also find it easier to focus my energy on making others happy. Again, pressure is off. If my energy is directed towards others, and they are happy, I have succeeded. If I focus my energy on me and for some reason I am still unhappy, then I have in some way "failed" myself and my well-being. I go so far to even convincing myself that if others are happy, then automatically I will find happiness through them. When I take a step back and really look at that mindset, I know it's silly. It is true that making others happy is emotionally pleasing to me. I'm a giver. I live to be kind to others and to myself. I will put myself aside if someone else is "needier" than I am at any given moment. Most of the time pleasing others makes me happy; other times I do push my happiness to the back of the line and tie myself up with a smile so others don't know what I am doing.
Controlling, yes. Borderline crazy, maybe. Real, absolutely.
Then, when I am lost and have no idea how to get back to that inner peace of happiness and self-satisfaction, it hits me. I control me. My energy and time needs to be directed to me and only me before I should ever consider throwing it into someone or something else outside of myself. I don't have to control others and/or a situation to just be. To be happy. To be content. To be me. I can still give and do kind gestures because it does make me feel good inside and in return others smile along with me. Two smiles are better than one. But, my smile is great. If I am not smiling and sincerely happy, why in the world should I expect others to smile? And even more so, why in the world am I exerting MY energy onto them when I can't first and foremost spend it on myself?
I just have to remember. I have to remember to be happy. I have to remember that I am in control of me and not anything or anyone else. I have to remember to give myself my infamous "pep talks" in the morning, every morning- on good days and especially on bad days. I have to remember to smile a real smile. I have to remember to focus on me sometimes and do what I need to do to be and stay happy. I just have to remember that happiness is a choice, and it's the best choice.
Today, I choose happiness. I am happy. #smiling
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